In this quiet little place...

The 8th Grade Dance - For Lola.

2009-02-21T08:32:00.003-05:00

At the end of 8th grade, we had a big dance called... the 8th Grade Dance. It was full of much awkwardness and pre-teen-ness and fancy hair. I'd never had my hair done before and I told the hairdresser that I wanted a french braid. She curled up her lip in disgust and said that there was no way that I was getting a french braid- that I at least had to have the cooler, upside-down french braid with curls on the top of my head. (Incidentially, this is the same hairdresser who did my hair for my sister Alison's wedding and who made the same identical face when I told her I just wanted a sleek ponytail. Which I did not relent on that time.)
Anyway, integral to this dance, as with all dances through the eyes of a female, was finding the most fabulous dress. I found a white lacy deal, knee length and with cap sleeves. Upon arriving at school the next day, I came to find that one of my friends (who shall go nameless) had the bought the exact same dress. I, in my friend solidarity, thought, "Cool! We'll be like twins!" She did not think this. She got REAL mad. She asked me what day I got it and, when it turned out we had bought them on the same day, asked me WHAT TIME. Seriously?! Are you being serious here?! She was. We've lost touch...
So the day of the dance arrives. I'm upside-down french braided up with my lacy number on and surrounded by my girl friends because I only spoke to two boys prior to high school and them only because they were on Quiz Bowl with me. (My current coolness was carefully cultivated...) So we arrive at the dance and everyone is standing around being... awkward... and there is a large crowd around the punch bowl table because it's easier to pull off looking cool when you're DOING something than if you're just leaning against the cafeteria wall. I don't actually remember what I did all during the dance other than gossip with my friends, but I do know that we also spent some time near the punch bowl because I CLEARLY remember what happened AFTER the dance.
When the night finally ended (*sigh*) all of us girls went to our friend Erin's house for a SLEEP OVER!!! We had a crap-ton of sleepovers in middle school and high school. So, it comes out that there was rumor going around that the punch was SPIKED. My friends, being normal, laughed at this and forgot about it. I, on the other hand, began mulling this over in my brain. My thoughts followed some train close to this: "What if it really WAS spiked? I drank the punch. I've never drank alcohol. (You get a better feel for my emotions if you start raising your voice to get more and more hysterical as my wonderings continue.) I might have just drank alcohol! I might be DRUNK! I think I'm DRUNK and I don't even know it!!!!! THIS IS TERRIBLE!!!!!"
I'm feeling sick now. Not, like, drunk sick (clearly) but the sick I feel when my hypochondriac-ism kicks in and I feel all dizzy and queasy in my stomach. So, I tell my friends, "You guys, what if the punch really was spiked and I'm drunk and I don't even know it?" And what do my friends do? WHAT DO THEY DO? They LAUGH! They make fun of me for the rest of the night. And for the next 15 years, thus far.

THE END.

clarification.

2009-02-10T19:21:00.002-05:00

So I've been feeling guilty about using The Shack as an example for my previous blog. I feel as though I should clarify a bit. I've got love for my Jesus, but I'm not so much a fan of Christian fiction. Which is why The Shack didn't bowl me over. Loving Jesus does not equal loving Christian fiction which, to me, neither teaches (since it's someone's interpretation) nor entertains due to the aforementioned blog's details of literature lack-luster. If you want some good Christian fiction, read the Narnia Chronicles.
So although this entry is a bit bland, I now feel better. Also, my husband is watching Alien vs. Predator which is even more excruciatingly mind-numbing than it sounds, and now seemed as good a time as any to throw on a new entry.

Thoughts on mindless reads.

2009-02-08T16:27:00.003-05:00

Once in a while it's nice to read a mindless, quick read book. I'm glad there are authors out there who write books such as this. However, I have found that finding a decent mindless read is as involved as finding a decent intellectual read. Here are the three kinds of mindless book categories I have found:

1) Exhibit A- The Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella. In this type of mindless read, which I will call the Best Form, the author understands that we're not going for any awards here. There's no attempt to be deeply intellectual or artistic with the language. However, the writing is elevated beyond than that of, say, a high school freshman, which leads to...

2) Exhibit B- The Shack. In this version, which I will call the Eh-Form, the content is good, and the author still isn't going for any literary turn of phrase recognition, but it reads like an entry level college essay and some of the sentences make you cringe in the execution. In defense of this book, it isn't really a mindless read, but can be found in a grocery store which, in my book, still falls into a related category. And...

3) Exhibit C- There's a (slight) chance I might be going to hell, which was the reason I wrote this entry in the first place. I got this book from the teacher's lounge and it looked like a funny, mindless read. Sadly, this book fell into the third and worst category, the Real Bad Form. In this type of book, the writing is poor to begin with, but to make things worse, the similes, metaphors, and descriptions make an attempt to be witty and clever in an uncomfortably painful way. Take these examples:

"Anything synthetic will not only cling to your wet, leaking skin like a hickey on the neck of a high school senior on picture day but will cost you more than a reckless cocaine habit in dry cleaning."

"... new businesses popped up all over town like pimples on the forehead of puberty."

"By the time she got to Kate's, she was sweating more than a chubby man in a backyard cage fight testing out his moves from a $19.98 Fast 'N Furious Head Bustin' Street Smarts DVD recently purchased from Wal-Mart and she wanted nothing more than to have a little face time with a glacier."

Aaaaaaand I was done. At page 20.

It sounded like a good idea.

2009-01-16T12:41:00.004-05:00

Velcro rollers are even more painful than you would assume by imagining, well, rolling your hair in velcro.

Brilliant beginnings.

2009-01-01T16:45:00.004-05:00

For Christmas, Alison took all of the old film reels my parents took of us when we were babies and had them put on dvd's. I've been watching them today and have come to realize the seriously unbelievable amounts of my own bathwater I ingested as an infant. In cups. Scoop it up, drink it down. I'm pretty sure it made me as smart as I am today. Super smart babies drink their own bathwater.

Business.

2008-12-27T22:31:00.002-05:00

If I owned a little downtown shop, I'll tell you what I would NOT sell: fairy figurines.

On houses.

2008-12-22T15:19:00.002-05:00

Ryan and I are thinking about buying a larger house. Here is why I am melodramatically announcing that I doubt the fruition of this plan:

1. In the last 20 years, a crap-ton of people were misled into believing that wood paneling was a good choice.

2. Also, fireplaces are apparently on the outs...

3. ...however the ones that do exist are wall-sized gigantor and painted white.

4. I want an old farmhouse and Ryan does not. Because he is logical and I am not.

5. Everyone likes carpet. They like it so much that they crap it all up by what appears to be dirt strewn about and crushed into it. Get damn wood floors.

6. EVERYBODY likes wallpaper. People who like wallpaper go ALL OUT. They wallpaper the WHOLE house. No- I will not buy your wallpaper hell.

7. I think I already mentioned the wood paneling. I will mention it again.

I am bitter about it.

Word to the wise.

2008-10-08T21:13:00.002-04:00

If you should so ever find an apparently abandoned pink, velour hoodie on the school playground and you pick it up to take it to the lost and found and realize that it smells like s***, chances are that, upon closer inspection, you will find that this is because...
someone
wiped
their
a**
with
it.

Some helpful v.p. advice.

2008-10-05T16:36:00.003-04:00

Ooooh. This was a LONG dry spell. I'm afraid I've lost all of my groupies. *sigh*

A letter to Sarah Palin.

Dear Sarah Palin,
First of all, I want to tell you that I think that it's cool that you're a governor of a big state and all. In a cold state too, which I give you props for because I freaking HATE being cold. You're probably cold all the time. That would suck.
Also, I want to tell you that I feel bad that you're getting all ripped up because you don't know a lot of government... stuff... I'm pretty sure that a lot of other governors don't know a ton either.
HOWEVER, since you are running for vice president under a really old potential president, I need to tell you, as a fellow American sister, that I make a lot of fun of you behind your back. I have forgone any Saturday night plans the last couple of weeks to catch Tina Fey also make fun of you.
I do wish to state that I watched your debate and was somewhat surprised that you (sort of) held your own. On the other hand, the whole Joe Six-Pack thing is REALLY sexist and ridiculous sounding and I was annoyed that you kept diverting all of the questions. Mostly though, I would like to inform you that the politically correct way to speak of people with special needs is PERSON FIRST. For instance, "I have a child with special needs," which is the opposite of your statement that you have a special needs child which pissed me right off because you should know this both as a v.p. candidate and as a MOTHER. That was lame.
I do think that you are pretty though. And you wore high heels through the entire debate and I bet the floor was hard on your feet because I know it would have been on mine.

Sincerely,
Sara A. Stockinger

Mostly, it comes down to this...

2008-07-28T13:32:00.002-04:00

I've gone through a couple of temper-tantrum-ish episodes with wedding related nonsense in the last few weeks, (one involving me face down on the bed whining, "I don't KNOW how long it will take me to get ready! Don't you think if I KNEW I would have already DONE the photographer's timeline?!"), and he is still marrying me and bought me this. : )

Two trucker stories.

2008-07-18T07:09:00.003-04:00

On my way down to my grandma's in Indiana last weekend, I encountered two special truckers.

Special Trucker #1: As it happens, I am sort of a peeping tom when it comes to driving. I like to look around and see who is driving what, what they have in the back of their car, how many stuffed animals people cram into the small space between the top of the back seat and the window. (One time Michael and I saw this car that was completely full of STUFFED PANDAS. Seriously- there was a full size one sitting in the passenger seat. You couldn't even see through the back seat windows. It was fantastic.) Anyway, truckers are fun because they have those huge side mirrors so you can see their trucker faces before you're even nose to nose with them. HOWEVER, sometimes they catch you staring at them, much like one did on I-69. And he honked twice when I drove by. Which is a bit unnerving, particularly when I've done some informal research and found that they do this more in the summer when you're wearing shorts than in the winter when you're bundled up. Not that I'm like, always staring at truckers or anything. This is longitudinal research, conducted over a span of years.

Special Trucker #2: I did not stare at this trucker. I did, however, stare at the back of his truck on which he had spray painted: HUMPIN' AND DUMPIN'. As my grandma's is a decent drive, I spent a lot of time thinking about what this might mean. I can see where maybe trucks would dump loads I guess, but I couldn't come up with anything for humpin' that I feel like repeating. My cousin suggested that maybe it meant humpin' over the bumps on the road. I don't feel so solid on that one...

While we're on the subject of inappropriate word combinations though, another slot in that category could be filled with the McDonald's billboard I saw this week. It was advertising some sort of breakfast steak wrap revulsion which said: Wake me. Steak me. I couldn't decide with myself whether that bothered me because it sounded like more like a death plea or as being remotely suggestive... Inappropriate. Either way.

Next...

2008-07-17T07:31:00.002-04:00

I have been on Ryan to pick a song to dance to at the wedding with his mom for weeks now. Here's a sample for how this is going:

Ryan: I like that Eric Clapton song. That one about his son falling out the window.

Sara: IT'S ABOUT HIS SON FALLING OUT A WINDOW.

Ryan: No one else knows that.

Sara: EVERYONE knows that.

Ryan: I like that song. What's the name... I can't remember.

Sara: Tears in Heaven, Ryan.

Ryan: Oh.

Sara: Yeah. No.

A fun date.

2008-07-02T22:44:00.002-04:00

Once, my friend Kristin and I got a gym membership to this piece of crap gym in college because it was super cheap. And you got a free personal trainer session with your piece of crap membership. So the guy we got a session with was a boxer. He was sooooo nice that he gave Kristin and I EXTRA sessions for free! And asked us both out. But we were together so it was like, a double date except he was both of our dates. Which, in guy eyes, made himself feel super cool. Sadly, the only reason we said yes was because he had some... boxing related intelligence issues that made conversations hil-arious.

So, we say we'll drive and go pick him up. We go to his apartment to get him and he does the little tour thing which is lame because he's a college guy and he has no furniture and what he has sucks. But then, we get to his bedroom, and he has a couple of guns laying out on his bed. And, in explaining this story, this sounds a bit frightening. But, keeping in mind the boxing-to-the-head situation, here's his response: "Oh! Oh man! I FORGOT to put my guns away. I've got a gun collection. Nothing much or anything..." And here's what our look to each other says: "You are the lamest guy ever because CLEARLY you just made your bed before we came over and put those guns on there to look cool. Ri-DI-culous." And then we went out for a drink at a local crap bar that I don't like because it's too smoky. And THEN we took his gun collecting ass home and made lots of fun of him after we left.

The end.

Back when I was a bagger, things were different.

2008-06-25T11:11:00.003-04:00

I used to work as a grocery store bagger in high school. I was really good at it because I'm so anal about organization. I would pick and choose items to bag so that everything fit very efficiently and logically. Just because toothpaste comes in a box does not mean that it should necessarily go with the cereal boxes, for example. Or that you should put cans and two-liters together. So now, everytime I checkout with my own groceries, I take all of the items out of the cart in a specific order so everything is already sorted and organized on the moving belt. And ever since working in the grocery store, I have harbored this secret dream of one of the baggers telling me, "Wow! These are already all in order!" And I'd say, humbly, "Oh... I used to be a bagger a long time ago." But they always just f. up my job and I end up with frozen peas next to my macaroni box. The incompetency is disgusting.

On teams.

2008-06-20T07:22:00.003-04:00

I am embarrassed at my lack of postings. And I apologize to Lori who always calls me on it and kicks my butt back into gear.

I am finally done with school, but by school I mean teaching because although I finished work last Friday, I have been in a 9-5 grad class all this week. It is a teambuilding class. We took a survey at the beginning of the class and it said that I was a perfectionist and don't enjoy working in teams. Which is true because generally, I find that working in teams only serves to point out all of the people in the world who have stupid ideas and no concept of grammar or spelling. Fortunately, the class was actually fun and I was put into a good group without stupid, bad spellers.

Yesterday, we had to go through these steps of forming a team. In the first one you are all nice and happy with each other, then you go through a phase where everyone is irritated and has to get over the things that bug them that used to be cute, then you get used to each other, and finally you all get along and are a fabulous team. My professor asked if anyone had examples of working in a team and going through these steps outside of school. Here's mine:

Me: "I'm in this really close knit group of girls in a Bible study. Except I really hate when new girls come. It really throws me off for a while. I'll go home and tell my fiance, "We got a NEW girl today." And he says, "Sara. It's Bible study. That's bad."

Guy behind me, whispering: "It's BIBLE study!"

Me, to guy: "I know right? It is really bad."

My professor: "Nobody go to her Bible study."

I told them that they could, they just had to tell me first so I could adjust. I've apologized to Jesus about it already.

Lesson learned.

2008-04-21T21:12:00.002-04:00

In case you were every wondering about killing two birds with one stone and using a lint roller to not only get the hair off of your back, but also nab any other hairs almost ready to grace your back by ever so gently rolling the lint roller across the bottom of your hair... don't. It does, in fact, grab those hairs, but also grabs all of the still attached hairs. And rolls it multiple times over the roller. And hurts like a mother trucker.

Happy Spring Break.

2008-04-11T13:59:00.003-04:00

Ahhh.... Spring Break. A week off from work and only two months left before summer vacation after returning.

Ryan and I went to NYC this year for 4 days instead of 2 which was a stellar idea. We stayed with my old roommie Laura whom I adore and miss like crazy. We met her boyfriend who got a thumbs up, wandered around the city, met up with Jared, ate frozen hot chocolates at Serendipity's, went to the MOMA, the Cloisters, the Guggenheim, and the International Center of Photography. And, it goes without saying, shopping at H&M and other various favorites.

Laura and I.

At Serendipity's.

At Madison Square Park. This picture is kind of sickeningly cute. Like we should have matching outfits on or something.

We also got to meet up with Kyrssie and Afua, two of my former students who I've kept in touch with. They both live in the South Bronx and while Afua is typically pretty shy and quiet, Kyrssie was loud and hysterical, providing an apt introduction to Ryan. Kyrssie told him to make sure I was dressing nice because "those are YOUR properties now," told me that she's flying out to my wedding so she can meet a "cute little white boy with blue eyes," said that I needed to gain some weight or Ryan wouldn't be happy with such a skinny girl, and yelled at everyone in McDonald's to stop staring a little boy getting into trouble by his dad. We went into some of the bodegas to look for some white Chinese slippers for the wedding, but to no avail, and Kyrssie called one of the workers a d***sucker in Spanish when he said he couldn't go into the back and look for any.... However, despite the ridiculousness, I love both of those girls and it was really nice to spend some time with them.

Kyrssie, me, Afua.

I've now been home for a few days and I have cleaned my house. Every inch. It's so freaking clean here. Things being clean and organized makes me very, very happy. Also, new clothes from H&M make me happy. It has been a happy week.

The end.

Another unabashed family plug...

2008-04-09T11:06:00.002-04:00

My cousin Nick and my Aunt Camilla frequently travel to Afghanistan to do teacher training, help to improve education, and provide school supplies to the war-torn country. They are there right now and will be for about 5 more days. They have a great site: http://classroomsacrosscultures.wikidot.com/gifts where you can go to purchase items from Afghanistan such as scarves, hats, coins, or spices and they will bring them back for you. It will help provide them with some much needed monetary support as well as support the local economy! Go buy something, but do it quickly since I was unfortunately negligent in getting this up sooner!

Why I love Ryan even when he sort of says things that aren't so awesome by accident.

2008-03-26T18:21:00.003-04:00

One time, not too long ago, I was leaning over and Ryan noticed those two dimples that you have on your lower back.

"Hey, I've never noticed those dimples!" he said.

"That's because I've gained weight," I quipped, trying to play on my semi-obsessive compulsion to work out constantly.

"Oh," said Ryan, which signified his ending of the conversation via my apparently sensible remark.

And then we had a talk about how you don't actually say that as a response. (Even if I know he really didn't mean it to sound like he'd been thinking the same thing...)

I cannot in good conscience...

2008-03-17T16:55:00.002-04:00

...ask my students to complete the following fill in the blank worksheet from our reading series:

I like balls that are big, round, and _________.

I ask you, what pervert wrote that into a first grade text book?

Public apology.

2008-03-05T22:09:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't written any of you back lately on your posts. I promise I read them. And love them. And have for some reason not done a very good job at responding. I'm on it.

Shameless marketing.

2008-03-05T22:07:00.001-05:00

My fabulous father has written a book and worked with my equally fabulous mother to get it published. Go buy yourself one.

Spotted:

2008-03-03T21:45:00.002-05:00

60-ish year old, disheveled man. On determined path toward checkout lanes at local Meijer grocery store. Muttering repeatedly the unnerving phrase, "I-am-in-need-of-some-mental HELP! I-am-in-need-of-some-mental HELP!" Utterly serious. 6 pack of Raspberry Smirnoff under each arm.

Steer clear.

Boooo winter.

2008-02-28T18:42:00.003-05:00

I hate you snow. I need you to go away and for it to be at least 60'. I need some sun. Really bad. REALLY bad. Ask Ryan. I'm getting more crazy than I usually am. And every kid in my class is just germinating diseases which I have already caught in the form of strep throat. So much snot, so little sun. Blah.

The old landform vs. body of water conundrum...

2008-02-18T22:25:00.003-05:00

Setting the scene: I have just finished reading a non-fiction book about rivers. I sit down with D's little sister to write a sentence about how we use rivers.

Me: What do you want to say about how we use rivers?

D2: For mountains.

Me: We use rivers for mountains?

D2: Yes?

Me: How do mountains need rivers?

D2: Because they are pointy.

Me: That they are.

Crap hair.

2008-02-11T08:33:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or does this remind you of what it looks like when a sheep/goat poops? Not that I typically watch sheep and goat poop, but come on. It totally does.

Monday night reflections.

2008-02-04T21:13:00.000-05:00

For someone who loves dressing up so much, I've somewhat surprised myself at my lack of excitement over all of the frilly formalness of weddings. I can't talk myself into the invitations with flowy cursive and the bouquets with flowers arranged into a ball. I mostly just want to email everyone we know and say, "Come to our party! It will be sooo fun!" However, I understand that this is socially unacceptable and I am working to find a happy medium.

In other news, I taught about Chinese New Year today in social studies and read a book which had loads of information in it like how they set off fireworks and have parades and the kids were really into it. #1 comment which made continued teaching for the sake of concrete knowledge of the Chinese culture a sure-go for tomorrow: "Can you eat fireworks?"

Highs and Lows.

2008-02-01T14:46:00.000-05:00

My friends Muca and Leslie share Highs and Lows at their dinner table every night. Here are mine.

LOWS...
*Um, SOMEONE should have mentioned that registering is ANYTHING but the walk in the park I was looking forward to! I walked around like a deer in the headlights having no IDEA how many towels to register for, how many butter dishes to get (do we NEED butter dishes?), what kinds of casserole dishes to get, which brand of pots and pans is best, and WHY is that wok $80?? We are going to end up at Macy's, Target, and Lowe's I think, but we mostly just ended an 8 hour day with a Leatherman and big bouncy ball from Target that Ryan swore he needed and a hands-free can opener at Macy's on our registries. We'll brave that on another day. With the extensive lists I made at grad class Tuesday night.
*My garage door openers stopped working. Boo.
*August for honeymoons is a bad mix apparently. It's vacation time in Europe so all of the businesses close and it's hurricane season in the Caribbean.
*I forgot to change my programmable thermostat back down to 60' during the day for the month of January after Christmas break so Catboy and Victoria have been livin' it up for a month in the warmth while my energy bill jumped up to more than double the usual. Boo.

HIGHS...
*I have had TWO snow days this week and only have a 4 day week next week!
*I got back my ring from being sized so the metal sizer that was on it no longer pulls my hair out in massive amounts.
*In two weeks I got a dress/shoes/veil, booked the venue and officiant (my uncle!), set the date, narrowed bridesmaid's dresses to 3 options, registered, and set up a meeting with a photographer. I was born to organize things. I am going to quit teaching and organize things.
*Ryan and his dad fixed my bathtub last weekend! It has been messed up since I bought the house and now I can take a shower and shave WITHOUT having to rinse the tub again after the water has finally drained! Words can't describe...
*Ryan still wants to marry me after a week of tearful calls about heating bills, the ridiculous costs of weddings, and a slight miscalculation of how many minutes/texts I've used this month on our newly combined phone bills.

Ryan proposed

2008-01-22T21:02:00.000-05:00

and I said yes. Lori especially has been on me to get pictures up and so heeeeere they are. Unfortunately, as it turns out, my camera does not have a close-up diamond ring setting, so this is the best I can do at this point. Here's MY version of the story and although I'm sure Ryan would tell it slightly different, it's my blog. So...

He came here to K-zoo this past Friday night and we went out to dinner which we often do. We went to Food Dance, which our favorite 'nice' place to eat because we get wine and gourmet food which is slightly different from the beer battered fries and burgers we most often opt for at our most favorite, Olde Penninsula. Anyway, we both got their amazing macaroni and cheese with chicken and a bottle of Riesling because I have successfully turned Ryan onto the fabulousness of wine. At one point in the night he was holding my hands under the table and slipped the ring on and then just looked at me. So I said, "You have to ask me now." Only I said it nicely, not like, bossy or anything. Seriously. And so he did and I said yes.

And then, we both got stomach aches from eating so much rich cheese and all that wine but we went out and bought a new game for the Wii anyway. It was a good night.

We are pretty sure we are going to have it here at the Lawton Community Center on August 1st.

And that's what I have for now. :)

Tube socks and the spinning class.

2008-01-17T20:42:00.000-05:00

Since I have time to work out again now, I have been trudging through the crappy snow slush with my cute new iPod shuffle to WMU's rec. (FYI- My present workout mix is a happy little combo of Ani DiFranco, Mariah Carey, Fergie, Relient K, and Britney Spears- whose unfortunate present state of affairs somehow produced a crazy-good workout cd.)

Anyway.

On Monday I thought I'd try spinning. This is that class where you ride a stationary bike, standing up, down, up, down, all the while changing speeds. My instructor was this fab guy I've had before who wears tube socks and made such a good mix on the loudspeaker that I didn't even need Britney. I had to ask some toned up sorostitute how to get my bike all set up, and then had to have tube socks come over and adjust it for me. (No offense to tube socks and sorostitute. They were both nice but, you know, we just ain't on a first name basis yet. If you want, you can call me, like, Stupid New Girl.) I got off to a good start- hung my water bottle on my handlebars and then accidentally knocked it off and it rolled into the middle of the semi circle which was embarrassing for a second or two. The whole time we were going up and down I kept thinking of that part in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion where they are spinning, going up, down, up, down and Romy goes, "Um, what does this make you think of?" and Michelle goes "Oh I know. This guy is SO SICK." But tube socks wasn't sick so it was fine. It was pretty hard and sometimes I cheated and just made it look like I was changing it up to level 5 but really it was probably on level 3 so I probably won't get the awesome ass that tube socks promised, but maybe if I come back next Monday I can go up to a 4 when I'm pretending.

Working out is so good.

Awkwardness

2008-01-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

I hate the game Guitar Hero. Sorry Oliver. It's just glorified air guitar which is related to playing air drums, which all fall under the general category of my mental database of "Things that people think are cool but which make me cringe and shy away from such an embarrassing display of absurdity." Other things filed under this heading are:
-clowns
-people dressed up like things other than people like Mickey Mouse or Easter Bunnies
-people doing the Hokey Pokey (and other such dances most often seen at weddings)

Hmm... that's sick.

2008-01-09T20:38:00.000-05:00

So, I probably wouldn't have picked up someone else's dirty underwear off the bathroom floor and brought them in to my 1st grade teacher but, as it turns out, that's totally cool with my kids.

A pleasant story about a wiener dog magnet.

2008-01-03T20:16:00.000-05:00

http://www.magickeys.com/books/wienerdog/

Happy New Year! Here's a face punching story.

2007-12-30T13:19:00.000-05:00

I am done with my grad classes from hellhellhell. I can do things other than grad classes. (Except for Tuesday nights when I have grad class next semester.) Happiness doesn't begin to cover it.
SO... this also means that I am now able to write about things OTHER than hating my grad class and things my kids say at school, thus hopefully avoiding the embarrassingly long periods of time between posts as of late. Thank GOODNESS. *sigh of relief*

Christmas was very good. I got to spend lots of time with my family and Ryan's and got many nice presents. I got lots of things in support of aid to Africa- a tote bag made out of a feed sack (which happens to be in the scroll bar on the right as things that I would like), a pink solar powered flashlight from Ry that also donates one to a needy person in Africa, and a red iPod Shuffle that is a RED product which also gives a portion to support the AIDS crisis in Africa. WHICH lead me into my next continuously growing topic, "People I wish I could actually punch in the face."

Ryan's parents got me a Gap gift card for Christmas which was a great present because I completely love Gap. I have been wanting one of their Product Red t-shirts for months, but just haven't bought one. So, I decided to use my gift card for this and bought this fabulous shirt. As I was picking one out, this girl and guy walked by and the girl says:

"I know it sounds super mean, but I'm just getting really sick of all this Red stuff."

The response to her comment I formulated in my head but obviously and unfortunately kept there:

"Yeah- kinda like the people in AFRICA are sick of DYING! FROM AIDS!" (Then I face punch her.)

Idiot.

And it continues...

2007-11-19T19:13:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have read my blog for a while, here's a nice little story about D's sister. We'll call her D2...

Me: "You have to pick one of the words we decided on as a class. You have to write it in the blank part of the sentence. What one do you want: food, pie, turkey, or corn?"

D2: "CAKE!"

Me: "Ummmm..."

I'm not sure that's actually P.C.

2007-11-19T19:10:00.000-05:00

P. "I don't like when those kids say 'yah'! Make them stop saying 'yah'!"

Me: "'Yah'? They're saying what?"

P. "Yah! I HATE when they say that!"

Me: "Do you mean 'ya'll'? They are saying 'ya'll'?"

P. "Yes!"

Me: "WHO is saying 'ya'll'?"

P. "The tan and brown ones!"

tv rant

2007-11-15T20:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Special K Protein Water commercial,
I want you to be serious with yourself. No one, and I mean NO ONE, is going to chose water over a piece of cake. You are being ridiculous. I might suggest that you actually fire the person who not only brought up that suggestion, but the ones who followed through with it. I don't care how many damn proteins you put it it. Take the edge off of your hunger... I'm eating the f'ing cake.
Love,
Sara

My day in stages.

2007-11-13T22:50:00.000-05:00

1. Woke up at 6am. Drove back to K-zoo from Ry's which takes 45 minutes. I say 45 minutes. Ryan says 1 hour. It really takes 45 minutes. Ryan estimates. He is better at time than me.

2. Went to school at 7:45. Happy, happy, happy that my room smelled like the new vanilla air freshener I plugged in yesterday and not like the piss it's smelled like lately.

3. Taught some stuff.

4. Ate lunch: Amy's organic frozen meal of a cheese and broccoli pocket. That whole line of food is so good. It's pretty much a food group single handedly keeping me alive after grad class this semester.

5. Kid #1 pees his pants.

6. Kid #2 pees her pants. (I give bathroom breaks, I swear. But kid, I am NOT your bladder. YOU are in control of your bladder. Or... I guess not.)

7. Gave a talk about going to the museum on a field trip tomorrow. Don't climb on stuff and such. Told one girl she's not going because she's been a little jerk face. Except I said the jerk face stuff in my head.

8. Kid #3 pees her pants. Ridiculous.

9. Raked my leaves in a half-ass effort in order to mulch the rest with my lawn mower. Lawn mower wouldn't start. It was a moment when I wish I wasn't "I'm independent girl with her own house" and was actually, "Ryan, come out here and fix this please" girl.

10. Read my book chapters for Bible study while Victoria ran around on my lap. Except then I had to put her up because it's hard to read when Catboy and Numa (Ryan's cat- he gets to stay here sometimes) are are trying to bite her tail. I felt a little like "weird eccentric live alone because I'm crazy cat lady".

11. Went to Bible study.

12. Cleaned the litter box that Catboy and Numa are sharing. He and Catboy play fight. We've talked about getting them little gladiator helmets and taping mini swords to their paws. 'We've' being Ryan and I. Not the cats. Although we have some pretty interesting conversations too. Usually involving me telling them to clean their own freaking litter box.

13. Bought Sufjan Stevens' Christmas collection. So good. Buy it.

14. Drank caramel hot chocolate. Unfortunately realized that there are 4 grams of fat in a stupid glass of hot chocolate. Wished Ryan was here to tell me to stop being crazy and poking my stomach in the mirror.

Moral of today: Ryan, two cats, a rat, hot chocolate, Amy's frozen meals, and new cds keep me sane. Or semi-sane anyway. :)

Confession.

2007-11-01T22:54:00.000-04:00

When I get out seasonal coats that had been packed away, the first thing I do is look in the pockets because I hide lip gloss in them and I forget what ones I stashed so it's like a present to myself. That I bought. And hid. But forgot about. So it's still like a present.

Things I wish I had the balls to say to people in grad classes who talk unnecessarily.

2007-11-01T22:48:00.000-04:00

1. Why are you talking?
2. Why are you talking when you know that when you are done talking we get to go home?
3. Shut up.
4. Shut up right now.
5. I'm going to punch you square in the face.

An exciting letter.

2007-10-23T22:54:00.000-04:00

Dear whichever student gave me ringworm on my neck,

Good news! It's finally gone after 4 weeks! Also, I feel pretty confident that it will be able to be airbrushed out of all of the professional wedding pictures I had taken. Thanks for your concern.

Love,
Ms. Hinshaw

Things that are keeping me sane.

2007-10-23T22:25:00.000-04:00

New goal: One post a week. Or else.

1. 100 calorie sour cream and onion Pringle snacks

2. Relax wine - so good.... so good.

3. my new Starbucks flowered thermos- it's just not quite cold enough to use... and I MIGHT have gotten it as a back-up gift because it was on sale and then kept it for myself.

4. Gap t-shirts- I love you so much. Especially when you're on sale for $5.

5. Ryan listening to me cry on the phone at night. Um... a lot.

6. my brown and cream skinny cords from A & F- skinny pants that somehow don't make me remember that I only have one day to work out a week right now- they're my magic pants.

7. 4th season of Grey's - total crap soap opera- fabulous

8. Bath & Body Works lavender chamomile lotion- it's supposed to be to help you sleep- sleeping makes me so happy- the lotion makes me happy too

9. QVC- damn cable company took away my guilty pleasure MTV and made my favorite channel Style Network fuzzy so I mostly have QVC on- it's the most fabulous white noise and horribly addicting channel- but I don't buy anything. So it's ok.

10. my new lilac colored hair dryer which compliments nicely the pink one at Ryan's

11. my Sonia Kashuk brush- look at you, shiny hair!

12. my Clinique ivy canvas bag- lots of times the Clinique Bonus Time bags are ugly as sin- like the purple tinted fake jeans material one- nast.

I understand these are materialistic. I don't care. Here are some pictures from Cinders' wedding.

Lessons.

2007-09-27T22:21:00.000-04:00

I'm busy. Too much. When is December here when these two classes are done?

Being too busy sucks.

Fortunately, it hasn't stopped me from planning wonderful lessons for my students which have included:

-How to pick your nose with a kleenex so that you don't have to dig it out with your dirty, dirty finger.

-How to clean off your shoes without licking them. Literally. Tongue to rubber. Which I caught two different students doing.

-That it is rude to tell another child's parent "You have a big nose!" and laugh. And say it three times in a row. Even though your teacher was hoping that the first time they didn't hear. Just KEEP on saying it. Cool.

-That hitting another kid in the back with a stick will actually get you suspended as it turns out.

-That saying "I can't hold my caca in anymore" is not an appropriate nor socially acceptable way to ask to use the restroom.

I've been very busy teaching.

I bought a little, tiny hamster this weekend at the grocery store to make myself feel better. It's our class pet. The kids come up and whisper "Good morning" to it when they get to school. I'm taming it. It's only jumped out of my hands and fallen on the floor twice. At home- the kids didn't see. I have D's sister (for those of you who know D) this year and she named it Sophie. The other options were Gracie, Cleany ("Because she cleans herself a lot"), and Eater. We voted. Sophie won. I would have been okay with Cleany though. It would have made Catboy feel less like a weirdo with his name.

I have been having lots of girly, crying fits lately.

2007-09-13T22:52:00.001-04:00

I am doing a bit too much. Such is the story of my life.

1) School started back up. I like my class a lot. It is going well. That is good. Here are stories related to that:

-Best Adam Sandler related quote:
me: "Honey, are dogs really purple?"
I: "I just wanted to see a purple dog. So I drew one."

-Best comment referring to my having only taught in inner city schools:
T: "You talk like a thug Ms. Hinshaw."

-Best response from one student to another after sharing about getting bullied at lunch:
P: "You like masks? I have a Batman one. I'll bring my Batman mask for you tomorrow and you can wear that. It has ears like this. (demonstrating where the ears go up)"

2) I have grad class. That sucks. I have two- both 5:30-8:30, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Here's why they suck:

-It is a crap-ton of work. Last night I turned in the first paper and realized that I did it wrong. My prof let me redo it. This meant turning a 4 page paper into an 11 page paper after class at 9pm to be emailed to her by the next morning. That sucked.

-I have to pay $3.75 per night to park at the meters because it still costs less than a parking ticket. I got a parking ticket for $10 tonight anyway because I forgot to feed the meter for the last 30 minutes before they stopped ticketing. That sucked.

-I am in it with a bunch of teachers. Teachers in groups are obnoxious. I had to go get books at a break on the first day (which sucked because it cost me $300) and the following comments were made by teachers in my class in the bookstore:
"Oooooh! It smells like BOOKS in here!"
"HA! I get to max out my husband's credit card! Awesome!"
Tools.

3. I have no time to myself. That mostly just sucks for obvious reasons. Today I tried to take a 15 minute nap and left the front door open so I could get a breeze and because I'm a little bit of a cat lady and I know Catboy likes to look out the screen door. Stupid door to door college kid comes by 10 minutes into my nap and wakes me up by appearing in my front door. Conversation:
kid: "Hi! How are you? Can I just take a minute?"

me, still laying on the couch: "I'm taking a nap. This better take, like, 2 seconds. You're cutting into my nap."

kid: "I'll be quick! Do you like pizza?"

me: "No." (You're totally allowed to lie to door to door salesmen. They always make me nervous, like they're going to figure out that I live here alone. One guy asked me that if I didn't want any magazines, maybe my husband would? I told him that he doesn't read magazines either.)

kid, awkwardly: "Oh... you don't like pizza."

me: "Not really."

kid: "Okay...Would you be interested in a gas card?"

me: "No."

kid: "Okay... Have a good nap!"

me: "Have a good kick in your FACE!"

Except I didn't really say that. But I wanted to.

So things are pretty good right now, but some things suck and I'm a little bitter about it. I'll try to get over it so all of my entries aren't hardened and crude. I'll try really hard ok?

Semi-boring.

2007-08-30T21:13:00.000-04:00

Summer school is done. Yay!
I went on vacation for a week with Ry, camping in the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia. Yay!
I started work this week- kids come next week. Hm...

Pictures:

In Luray Caverns. Look at all those stalactites! Crazy stalactites!

Natural rock slides. Cold. Fun. But I scraped my butt up. It was worth it.

Ryan made me eat this brat. He boiled it. It looked like an intestine. Which I suppose it kind of was. Which is even more disgusting. But it tasted ok. I just covered it in ketchup and mustard so I didn't have to look at it.

Also, we saw this sign at a church that said, "Everybody dies. Not everybody lives." I badly wanted to go take off the 'Not everybody lives' part. I think that would be hysterical.

In a week I'll be back at school. And I'll have crazy kid stories to make up for my lack of un-entertainment as of late.

Big squash. Big bites.

2007-08-07T22:05:00.000-04:00

Ryan and I went camping in Ludington a couple of weekends ago. Something bit the CRAP out of my legs and I looked like a small pox victim for the entire week. And I itched like hell. And you can still see the red spots left on my legs. That was no good. Camping was fun though.

Tonight I got my first acorn squash out of my garden! I have cucumbers and zucchini and tomatoes and carrots and potatoes and onions growing too. I called Ryan to tell him how excited I was:

me: Honey! I just picked my first acorn squash! It's huge! And there are baby zucchini and cucumbers too! I know I don't even like cucumbers, but I'm SO excited! I grew those! From seeds!

Ryan: You're going to be crazy when you have a baby... 'Look what I did!'

Anyway... I am excited.

Your sign is absolutely idiotic.

2007-08-07T21:54:00.001-04:00

I think that the cutesy phrases on church signs and the like are nauseating. I get these images of someone being so proud of themselves for being JUST SO clever to have come up with such a witty phrase.

AS IN:

(Seen outside of a vet's office) "If you want to know what soap tastes like, wash a dog."

This is idiotic. FIRST of all, you typically use a phrase utilizing "If you want to know what...then..." when it is something ordinarily unattainable. Such as in, "If you want a taste of heaven, try this cake," or "If you want a real taste of New York, go to such-and-such a restaurant." If I wanted to know what soap tasted like, I'd put the damn bar in my mouth.

Which leads me to my SECOND point: no one would WANT to know what soap tasted like! Again, the "If you... then do..." phrases should only be used in instances in which the outcome is desired. NO ONE wants to taste soap.

I don't care if it was just supposed to be funny, as in, "haha- Washing dogs really IS funny because you really DO get soap in your mouth!" But it's not funny. It's a waste of reading. I would never go to that vet.

I am a stress junkie. It sucks, but it's better than being a coke junkie or something.

2007-08-02T17:30:00.000-04:00

This morning I was leaving Ryan's place to go to work back in Kalamazoo and realized that I didn't have my wallet. I freaked. Ryan was in the shower. The following is an account of my 10 minutes of freaking out.

-Enter bathroom #1
Me: "Ry! I can't find my wallet! I don't know where it is! This sucks! It's at the movie theater or something!" (We saw Chuck and Larry. It was bad. Don't see it.)
Ryan: "We'll find it. It's here somewhere."

-Leave bathroom/look in Ryan's car = no wallet/ look in my bag again = no wallet

-Enter bathroom #2
Me: "HONEY! I left it a Qdoba. Honey! Someone is going to steal my wallet! Someone stole my wallet and I have every card I OWN in that wallet! Honeeeeeey! (Tears start here.)"
Ryan: "No they aren't. This is Grandville babe. I'll just call them on my lunch break. It'll be fine."
Me: "Why WOULDN'T they steal it!? Honey, I'm going to be sick."
Ryan: "Sara. It's fine. No one stole it. Seriously. You're fine."

-Leave bathroom/look in Ryan's car again = no wallet/realization begins to slooooowly set in = "Wait a second... we didn't take Ryan's car... we took my car.../ check my car = wallet under seat

-Enter bathroom #3
Me: "Umm... it was in my car. I forgot. We took my car. So... I have my wallet."
Ryan: "Babe, our kids are going to be dumb."

Yaaaaay wallet!

Nope, that's definately wrong.

2007-07-23T21:50:00.001-04:00

Scene: 7:45am, weekday morning, summer school, 1st graders arriving groggy and dazed

Characters: 1st grader accompanied by mother, of whom is attired in a green, Mountain Dew logo-ed shirt with the words "Mount and Do Me" emblazoned across her (rather large) chest

Inner monologue: Dear Jesus, Thank-you that my mom sticks to logo t-shirts from family vacations.

Raise your hand if you don't want to go to work tomorrow. (Mine is up REALLY HIGH.)

2007-07-08T16:36:00.000-04:00

Working is no fun. I don't want to do it anymore.

With that said, here are some fun things to throw into my blog update:

1) There is this unbearably cute little Hispanic boy in my summer school class. (I'm teaching 1st grade math.) He has black hair he spikes up in the front and little glasses and wears polos. And has crazy ADD. And sounds like Speedy Gonzales.

Me: "Oops- honey, you forgot to write your sentence using the word 'five' in it."
Speedy: "OOOOOOh- I can't WRITE!"
Me: "Ok. So you tell me what you want to say and I'll write it down."
Speedy: "I have a dog." (Are you doing the Speedy accent in your head?"
Me: "Um, thaaaaat doesn't have the word five in it buddy."
Speedy: "Ummmmm... I have a dog with a bone!"
Me: "Ahhh... nope. Still need to have the word five in it."
Speedy: "Hmmm.... I have a dog five!"
Me: "Yeah. Let's just go with 'I have five dogs' ok?"

2) There's a damn rabbit colony eating my garden. I feel like Mr. McGregor in Peter Rabbit. Except I'm for real going to start shooting them. Well, probably not, but Ryan has been dying for something to shoot with that shotgun he won up north and he DEFINITELY would for real. I have to call the township about shotgun usage in the public sector first though...

3) My refrigerator broke, but not enough to get me a new one before my home warranty is up which is really irritating. I tried to get the guy to just say that I needed a new one.

Refrige guy's helpful advice: "Yeah, you know? You should really have two fridges. In case one breaks like this. I have two at my house. It's a good idea."

HEY FRIDGE GUY WHO IS ANYTHING BUT HELPFUL! DO YOU THINK THAT IF I COULD AFFORD TWO FRIDGES I WOULD STILL BE USING THIS P.O.S. ONE THAT CAME WITH THE HOUSE? I'LL ANSWER FOR YOU- NO. NO I WOULD NOT. SO UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME A NEW FRIDGE, SAVE YOUR 'GET A SECOND FRIDGE' TALK FOR SOMEONE WHO CARES.

Stupid fridge.

4) My grass is completely dead. It sounds like you're walking on sticks- all crackly-sounding and stuff. I didn't water it at all- my grass needs to be reseeded anyway and I have to pay for the water when I use a sprinkler. Letting your grass die is the best lawncare secret. Do you know how long it's been since I've mowed? Like a MONTH. It's awesome.

Confession.

2007-06-27T22:18:00.000-04:00

My insurance is to blame for my hypochondriac ways. I can go to the doctor's for $6.93. I told my doctor that I see him so much that I'm going to start bringing in wine since I feel as though we're dating. He told me that would be fine. And that I am a hypochondriac. We have an honest, open relationship. And they have the little, individually wrapped tictacs at the receptionist desk. Screw an apple a day. I can go anytime I want for under $7. Cheap date.

Summer school training conversation.

2007-06-21T22:40:00.000-04:00

Parapro who had been talking WAY-HAY-HAY too much today: "We let my son have this pet chicken. It's so cute! It lives in a tub in his bedroom and in the morning it jumps up on the edge and just sits there. It's the cutest thing. Except he's handicapped- his little feet just curl under and he has to walk funny. But he waddles over to my son in the morning and pecks his cheek just like this (demonstrates the so-called cheek pecking)."

Me: "Oh yeah... hmm... yeah. I had a pet chicken once that had feet like that. We had to put it down. It's a common chicken disease."

Parapro: "Oh."

I did have a chicken that had to be put down with chicken-curl-up-feet disease. And that para was just talking too damn much.

Hate mail.

2007-06-18T22:44:00.000-04:00

Dear professional development presenters, old and new,
I can do the following things:
1. Read. On my own. Without you reading it out loud to me.
2. Work in groups without you telling me how although I would prefer to...
3. ... work by myself without you needing to walk around and ask me what I'm thinking about whatever asinine thing you asked me to think about.
4. Pick up on when you've run out of crap to talk about and are just bs'ing your way along for the last 30-45 minutes. Let me out early. I won't tell your supervisor.
5. Although I already mentioned that I can read, I would like to add that I am a fast reader.
So if you give me a crap-ton of time to read something to myself, I'm going to finish it early and pretend like I'm doing something really important on my palm pilot when really I'm just playing this addicting flower petal matching game. And secretly punching you.

You are wasting my life away. And, while I'm at it, don't ask any absurdly open ended questions to a group. You KNOW there are going to be some mindless suck-ups who are going to keep the conversation going for so long that it takes all of my BEING not to smack them and yell, "Do you not REALIZE that every WORD you SAY keeps us in this place LONGER?!! Are you an IDIOT?! Have you NOTHING better to do with your LIFE?!"

So. Get on that. I've got stuff to do.

Sincerely,
Sara A. Hinshaw

Because clearly everything is of equal importance.

2007-06-07T22:32:00.000-04:00

Here are the top two headlines on my Google desktop news runner:

-Judge orders hearing on Hilton's release

-US Deaths in Afghanistan

Awesome. American journalism is awesome.

Yes, you're right. It is cute.

2007-06-07T22:24:00.000-04:00

Ryan got me a new helmet so I can ride his bike. It is disgustingly cute and he picked it out all by himself. (See below.)

I have been trying to sell him on the idea of a jacket too, which are unfortunately really expensive. He holds that I really don't need one because I don't ride it that much. I find this to be an unstable argument because I certainly have never heard of any bike-riding quota, before which you are safe from danger, after which you are in a bad, bad way. Then he ignores me. Hmmm. I'll keep on that one. At least I have a pink flower helmet. Yes. That is a good alternative.

Good. I think he's creepy as hell anyway.

2007-05-30T21:47:00.000-04:00

Student J for Morning News: "I am going to Chuckie Cheese for my birthday!"

Student T (same one I wrote the earlier entry about who peed on the tv): "I went there for my birthday and I asked Chuckie to sing to me but he didn't so I kicked him in his leg."

I garden now.

2007-05-28T21:58:00.000-04:00

Today my parents came to visit and we planted a garden in my backyard. I don't have any funny stories about it. However, this is your heads up that I'm sure some will be in the works. Namely, "How come I planted a garden and nothing is growing." Look forward to that.

In the meantime, here are some pictures from Ry's surprise 24th birthday party to keep you occupied.

Ry's 24!

Thao and I being fabulous.

Ry and I with his sister Lindsey and her boyfriend Adam.

Yeah, I know. It's a cute picture.

Oh no he DI-N'T!

2007-05-23T22:10:00.001-04:00

Our behavior specialist comes up to me with D., who is completely sobbing, after gym saying that two other boys from the class hit him. We call the two boys over and try to pull out of D. what exactly happened. The cause for the tears, as it turns out, was NOT the hitting but the following:

"He said *sob* my momma *sob* is so fat she puts mayonaise on ASPRIN *SOOOOOOB*!!!!"

I turned around and walked away and I'm 95% sure that the boy who said it saw me laughing.

I'm not sure what to say to that.

2007-05-21T21:28:00.000-04:00

After watching a high school student performance today of 'Where the Wild Things Are' (which happened to be a cast of all white kids) my student X. turned around laughing and said to me: "White people are so funny!"

Ok.

Birthdays Past...

2007-05-21T21:02:00.001-04:00

Ryan's birthday is this Friday, which has got me thinking about some of my more memorable birthdays. Because, apparently, when I think about my boyfriend, I think about myself...

My 16th: I had a bunch of friends over and we played whirlyball in Flint-town. It was fun, but my haircut and outfit was not. There is an atrocious picture of me opening a present in which I am wearing a blue plaid button up, my hair cut in bangs and then parted down the middle (a horrible, horrible idea for girls with round faces), feather cut on both sides in the front, and then pinned back near my temples with barettes. No good. No good at all.

My 20th: I spent my 20th birthday in Spain. Fortunately, studying abroad in London was not only good for my education, it did FABULOUSNESS for my fashion sense, opening my eyes to the classic suede and black combination, stilettos, and sleek skirts. Thus, I was much better dressed this time around and was sung 'Happy Birthday' in Spanish by some random guys on the street. Also, I bought really cute tan leather boots while there, as well as placemats with lemons and oranges on them.

My 21st: Lola threw me a surprise party. Oh man, I love Lola so much but she freaking sucks at secrets. (Although, to her credit, she is getting much better.) So, she told me about my surprise party, including everyone she invited, everyone who was coming, and even one friend who drove 3 hours to surprise me. So then I had to feign surprise. Which I'm bad at. BUT, she threw me a surprise party- or whatever- and it was really fun and we had an amazing time. Also, my friend Rob got drunk at TGIFriday's and lifted up his shirt and pressed his naked chest against the window that separated the party room from the regular seating area and I'm pretty sure that the ladies sitting on the other side were wishing me a really crappy birthday.

My 23rd: Frank, my boyfriend at the time, took me to a Bed & Breakfast in Shipshewana, Indiana (self-acclaimed, "Heart of Northern Indiana Amish Country") as a surprise. Unfortunately, I spent the majority of the weekend freaking out imagining the fervor with which the Amish Bed & Breakfast owners were praying for the salvation of my unwed boyfriend and I who were staying in the same room. (I'm seriously getting a LOT better about 'Stress Sara'. Or, at least somewhat. I think.)

My 24th: My parents flew me to Hawaii to visit Kristin. We had dinner on the beach and I got to wear my white capris which are dead cute. Except that Laura (NYC roommie) always called them my J-Lo pants. But whatevs.

My 25th: I flew to NYC to spend my birthday with my favorite city friends. I posted a blog on that experience before Ryan and I went back out this year. The whole, left my license and credit card in the cab, ate moldy cake, and borrowed $400 from my friends thing was not so good, but the rest of it was fabulous obviously.

Finally, although it isn't really MY birthday, I remember many of my sister Alison's birthdays as well. I spent a lot of these getting into trouble for playing with her friends and (quote/unquote) stealing them. Mostly, it was just because my funness was just sort of unstoppable. Or something.

Birthdays are fun.

What? A wishlist? How much fun!

2007-05-16T21:58:00.000-04:00

I added a wishlist scrollbar on the right of my blog. I'm not sure why it's so entertaining. Kind of like a wedding registry except I won't get any of the stuff because there's no celebration. Unless you consider finding every cute thing for sale on the internet and cataloging it a celebration. Because I do. Cataloging and cute things are fabulous to me. Reason enough.

If I had a chiuaua...

2007-05-15T22:27:00.000-04:00

I would name it Matilda Honey.

Belinda - RIP

2007-05-14T20:37:00.000-04:00

This is Belinda. I forgot I had pictures of her. She was my hairless rat that I buried in a dog park in NYC. Cute Belinda.

The title was "Things that are dumb" but then turned out to be mostly about the Dutch which was unintentional.

2007-05-13T21:38:00.000-04:00

1. Runners who don't acknowledge other runners. Do the head nod or something! Running is hard and you're stuck up if you pretend that you don't see someone run by you. You deserve a tripping for that. Stupid jerks.

2. People who have those little dutch child statues in their front yard. Even dumber- people who have them apart from each other. CLEARLY they are supposed to be kissing. While I am not a big fan of Holland because I always have crappy experiences with the Dutch employees in the Amsterdam airport, (shut up about judging a country- you should ALWAYS put your best face forward especially if you work in an AIRPORT- some people never know anything about a country other than their airports- duh), I am QUITE sure that little Dutch children do not walk around leaning over with their butts out UNLESS they are about to kiss. And anyway, I spent the last two weekends in Holland, Michigan with my parents and then Ryan's and I NEVER saw any demonstrations of this. Only lots of wooden shoe dancing. And tulips.

Speaking of the Dutch, check this out: http://www.dutchtub.com/ I'm not sure how I feel about it, seeing as it looks like people are boiling themselves for dinner. It could be fun though. I don't know. The people in the pictures would probably be nicer than the people in the airport though.

Turkey Hunting: A Photo Journal

2007-05-09T21:22:00.000-04:00

Ryan and I went up north turkey hunting with my sister Alison and my brother-in-law Ben. Here's a brief photo documentary of our trip.

We went to the National Wild Turkey Federation dinner. Ryan won a rifle. Turkey hunters like rifles. Ryan is now a turkey hunter.

I brought Victoria. Remember I have that super cute traveling case? She is the cutest rat. We took a nap together on my new hammock today. She is eating a doughnut.

Ryan and I shot his gun. This is our 'special' picture with the hot earphones on so we don't blow our eardrums out shooting at paper turkeys. You can't just smile normal with something like that making you look... like that...

This is me shooting Ry's rifle. I am a good shot. And, as it happens, steadying yourself like that makes your butt look really good in your jeans.

We went fishing. Ryan tried to give me some helpful hints on fishing. I didn't want any helpful fishing hints. I told him that. Then he got angry because I freak out when the boat starts going into the reeds so the reeds start engulfing me. Something might be in there and then I couldn't get out fast enough. Ryan said only to yell like that if I'm dying. But I might have been if we hadn't have gotten out of the damn reeds faster.

Ryan caught a fish. We didn't have a net with us so he threw it on the bottom of the boat and it flipped all the way over to my side and kept smacking my butt under my seat. Ryan laughed a lot...

... so I caught a bigger fish.

Then, we went hunting.

Hunting is hard.

Finding morels is much better. And I look better posing on the forest floor with tiny mushrooms than I do in camo anyway.

THE END

All I do is talk about school. I'm a teacher. I don't know what else to say.

2007-05-09T21:09:00.000-04:00

Quotes from today:

Me (at our calendar time at the start of the day): "J. what is your news for today?"

J.: "I have this fighting game at home that my mom and dad let me play. There's PUNCHING (demos included) and THIS STUFF (face smashing demo) and they hit each other with BOTTLES! Like, bottles that are empty you know? And then they break."

Me: "Uh, that's terrible. You need to pick a different news."

At recess, my tiniest boy, C., was balancing on a movable rope while another student was swinging it.

C: "OH SNAP! OH SNAP! OH SNAP!"

(C. falls on the rope, straddling it) "Oh, I hurt my nuts."

I'm sorry.

2007-05-03T07:17:00.000-04:00

I've been an incredibly boring poster lately. Last week I had to smell two kids' butts at school to see which one smelled like the poop I'd been gagging over all day before I gave up and decided that the process of stopping the smell was far more disgusting than the smell itself. Yesterday, it was brought to my attention that, via permission slip, I had informed all of my chaperones for the field trip today that the field trip is tomorrow. So that was dumb. Except that I had to call all the parents yesterday morning while the kids were working and I was really glad when one of them called back that I didn't pick the Jason Mraz ringtone where he says 'damn'.

I'm boring right now.

I did go up north with Ry last weekend to Alison and Ben's, but that story isn't very good until I get the pictures to go with it so that will have to wait.

Again, I apologize profusely for my present lack of fabulousness.

Some catching up and, as always, my sincerest apologies for my lazy absence.

2007-04-16T19:31:00.000-04:00

Catch up #1: Recess

Today on the playground, my conversation with (male) student T:

Me: Wasn't it you I saw at the beginning of the year at Wal-Mart? Buying a tv with your mom? I can't remember.

T: I COULD have been. We had to get a new tv. Because I had an oopsie on our old tv.

Me: You had a what?

T: I peed on that tv.

Me: What?! You PEED on your tv? Why?

T: I HATED that tv. I was mad at it.

Me: How come?

T: That grey scratchiness was sounding like bees.

Me: The static?

T: Yeah. I hated that noise. So I peed on that tv. (laughs) In all them little holes in the back.

Catch up #2: Rat Saga

A couple of weeks ago, I bought a baby rat from a pet store. It was a cute little black hooded rat and I named her Marie Antoinette, after, uh, Marie Antoinette. Because if you read my entry a bit back, you know I have some serious sympathy for that girl and she deserves to have a pet named after her. Also, I feel that rats need elegant names to compensate for everyone accusing them of being dirty trash diggers. My last rat was hairless and named Belinda. She died while I was living in NYC and I buried her in a dog park because it was a few blocks closer than Central Park and I didn't want to carry a dead rat any further than I had to. Dead things sick me out, even if I loved them while they were alive. Anyway, I have Marie Antoinette for a few days and she starts having these, like, wheezing fits that are really upsetting and I find out that many rats when you get them from the pet stores have upper respiratory infections that are genetic from so much interbreeding. You either have to let them die, put them to sleep, or buy them a human nebulizer and somehow rig that up to help them breathe. That's not a joke- I read about it on a website for crazy rat people. So I ended up taking her home to Davison over Easter a week after I got her and in a tearful episode involving a vet's office, my sister's moral support, and a fee costing 5 times more than the rat, put Marie Antoinette to sleep. I cried and it was sad.

But then the next day I found a little pet store that had two week old baby rats which are ADORABLE, so I went and bought a new one and named her Victoria and she is SO cute and tame and she'll just ride around in my hoodie or on my shoulder for hours. I even have a little travel cage for her so I can take her to Ry's or home to Davison. Awww.

Catch up #3: A What If Story

Wouldn't it be so weird and awkward if you went to get a bikini wax and the girl who comes out to do it was in a Bible study with you 5 years ago and you hadn't seen or talked to her since then? And then you caught up on the last 5 years while you're half naked on a table? THAT would be weird and awkward. I'm SERIOUSLY glad nothing like that has ever happened to me.

My name is Sara and I'm a hypochondriac.

2007-03-26T22:18:00.000-04:00

Lola called at 10:30pm Saturday night afraid that she had cancer. The specifics are unimportant, other than to say that I told her she was fine, that she did not have cancer, and that she was probably just pregnant in her leg. Ryan and I got in a... ahem... fight about it because he thinks it's selfish to freak someone out to tell them that you think you are dying when you obviously aren't, while I think it's selfish not to be there to tell someone they are fine. We got over it.

HOWEVER-

Should I ever tell you that I might:
a) have a skin eating fungus,
b) have a brain degenerative disease, or
c) suffer from the ever popular- disease no one has diagnosed yet,

the best and ONLY option is to:
a) tell me that I'm fine,
b) lie to me about it (as in, people who are in their 20's don't get skin eating funguses), and
c) tell me that I'm being crazy because I'm so DEFINATELY fine

and I'll be ok. Or at least call someone else and make them do the same thing.

Just, you know, for future reference.

I love eggs.

2007-03-23T07:23:00.001-04:00

http://www.iloveegg.co.kr/egg_english.htm

Thing I find really funny that might actually only be funny to me.

2007-03-17T11:53:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I got a wrong address email sent to me that went something along these lines...

Hi Sweet Friend!
I saw that you sent out the March Campus Crusade for Christ newsletter, but I didn't get one. Could I?
Love you!

Funny part:
Gmail has a feature that picks up on subjects from your emails and suggests related links on the side bar. Here were the related links to this email (and keep in mind the subject matter of the email):

-Sweet Love
-Love Master

Dirty. And funny.

D's quote addendums.

2007-03-14T22:12:00.000-04:00

PART 1

Today at the end of the day, D walks up to me and there is blood all over a paper he's holding and dripping out of his mouth.

D: Ms. Hinshaw! I cut my mouf!

Me: Oh, D. Did you put something in your mouth?

D: (Makes a sad face of acknowledgement and nods.)

Me: What WAS it? (Pause) D... did you bite a marker?

D: (Same sad face of acknowledgement and not.)

Me: D, that's not blood. Show me your tongue. (D's tongue is bright red.) D, you can't eat markers. That stuff will make you sick. *sigh* Go wash your mouth out. And throw that paper away. That looks disgusting.

PART 2

Me: D! What are you chewing on?

D: Nothing. Gum.

Me: No it's not. Open your mouth. Is that a big paper wad?

D: (Sad nod.)

Other student: And he blew a bubble with it too!

D's quote of the day.

2007-03-14T22:09:00.000-04:00

(D was being tutored by another staff member, looking at a picture of a bird.)

D: What do birds eat? Do birds eat grass?

Lis: Mmmm... I don't think so.

D: Sometiiiiimes, I eat grass.

Lis: Oh yeah? How's that taste?

D: Mmmmm... pretty good sometimes.

Lis: So, would you say you like eating grass?

D: Uh, yep.

NYC Pics

2007-03-06T21:37:00.000-05:00

Ry and I at the Met. Ryan didn't believe me that the Egyptian temples were made of rock. I dropped it because he looked really cute in his new hoodie. From H&M. Because I love Ry. And H&M.

Ry and I at none other than the famed Gin Mill after dinner at the equally infamous Silk Road. Jon!!! My always favorite bartender with Laura and I.

Lots of love going around that night. Lots of it.

Dear Laura, I love you and you should move to Michigan and be my roommate here. Love, Sara

That's 5 pictures of 80. 79 of which were taken at the Gin Mill. I'll leave it to you to assume the ridiculousness of the 75 others I did not post. A fabulous birthday. As only NYC can provide. ;)

Disrespect

2007-03-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

Dear sinus infection,
A couple of weeks ago, you allowed me to drink milk that was a week overdue because I couldn't taste anything and only realized there was a problem when I saw that, in pouring out the milk, it appeared to be separating out into clear and white liquids. That was totally disrespectful.
Love, Sara

That is a damn good friend.

2007-03-02T23:15:00.000-05:00

I just watched the movie, Marie Antoinette. It does not show her getting beheaded at the end. I googled her name and found this which is fascinating in a disgusting way:

After they had been imprisoned, Paris erupted into violence. The mob invaded the prisons and massacred anyone suspected of royalist leanings. Marie Antoinette's dearest friend, the Princesse de Lamballe, was captured and told to repudiate her oath of loyalty to the queen. When she refused, she was murdered by repeated hammer-blows to the head. Her body was then torn apart and her head placed on a pike.
-Wikipedia

That is disgusting. And fascinating.

Public apology to the guy who has my old NYC cell number:

2007-03-02T23:12:00.000-05:00

I can't remember your name right now, although I've been told it more than once, but I wanted to tell you that although I realize that it must be terribly obnoxious to continue to receive calls for a certain 'Sara', I must confess that it gives me great joy to know that my friends continue to try to reach me at my old number, as they have not updated their own cell phones yet. I understand that this has now reached into the double digits, as has been reported to me by my absentminded friends. I have fabulous acquaintances. I hope you are not recieving more calls from my friends than you are from yours.
Sincerely,
Sara A. Hinshaw

D's Quote of the day.

2007-02-12T21:04:00.000-05:00

Upon returning with another teacher who he'd had a timeout with from yelling in my class:

Teacher: "What did we talk about that you're going to do this time D?"

D: "I don't remember."

Teacher, pointing to her ear to hint at listening: "You're going to..."

D: "Have pretty ears."

A story about a plane.

2007-02-06T17:20:00.000-05:00

I have had two days off in a row from school because the temperature has been ridiculously low and, considering I took Friday off because I felt like crap, it seems a long time since I've actually worked. Fortunately, I've read like a mother-trucker, and today's book was, Traveling Mercies, by Anne Lamott. It was a wonderful book. Read it.

Anyway, she writes about this one time she was about to fly on a plane and it made me think of me when I fly on planes, which then reminded me of a story, but I'll tell Anne's first...

"My idea of everything going smoothly on an airplane is (a) that I not die in a slow-motion fiery crash or get stabbed to death by terrorists and (b) that none of the other passengers try to talk to me. All conversation should end at the moment the wheels leave the ground."

Amen, I say.

So, it reminded me of this time that I was flying back from London and I didn't get a seat next to any of my friends so I was freaking out. You have to keep in mind that this was not too long after my family and I had had the horrendous flight back from Costa Rica (ignore the unintentionally conceited name drops of foreign countries...) that scarred me for years after and which I am still dealing with, but in ways different from how I dealt with it on this particular London flight.

SO! (Here's where Ry, Pat, or Tim would say "Get to the freaking point!" and I'm working on this edge of my personality so shut it. ;)

ANYWAY, so I'm on this overseas flight and I'm sitting next to some middle aged man, and I'm thinking similar to Anne Lamott, "Please just everybody stop talking. I have to singlehandedly keep this damn plane up by my own mindpower and it's HARD to DO when you all are making me LOSE my FOCUS!"

And so, when the plane takes off, I grab the middle aged man, seat-stranger's hand. It was an impulse.

In an effort to make an awkward situation less awkward, (because I realized quickly that I was so scared that I was not going to be able to let GO of his hand), I told him briefly how I was petrified. So we got to be best friends and he let me sleep and ordered me dinner and let me just sit there holding his hand for dear life the whole time. Sort of like a stranger-dad.

So, nearing the end of the flight, (fortunately, because napping and relaxing is hard when you've got a whole jet full of people dependent upon you for keeping that massive amount of metal in the air), he stands up and gets something out of the overhead compartment. Turns out, it's this surprisingly cute teddy bear, (I'm not much of a teddy bear girl), with a blue sweater on that has the name of his company embroidered on it. He tells me that he's bringing a bunch back for presents for friends and family, and that I should have one for making it through the flight. I still have it- it's sitting behind me on my guest bed. It's still cute. So I say thank-you and by now the plane is landing and I tell him how grateful I am and we say our good-byes and debark.

Then, I meet my parents in the airport, there to welcome me home, and tell them the story. "Well," says my dad with a smirk, "I'd be that nice, too, if I had some hot young girl sit next to me and hold my hand. I'm gonna start bringing teddy bears on my flights too!"

It sort of ruined the mood, but I love my dad anyway.

An outstanding research stat brought to you from the NCLB.

2007-02-04T20:54:00.000-05:00

Read this simply AMAZING stat found in my No Child Left Behind Teacher's Toolkit:

"Recent studies offer compelling evidence that teachers are one of the most critical factors in how well students achieve. For instance, studies in both Tennessee and Texas found that students who had effective teachers greatly outperformed those who had ineffective teachers."

Oh yeah?! Crazy! No s**t!

Wow. How 'bout that?

2007-02-04T14:53:00.000-05:00

Discovered on a friend of a friend's myspace page under 'About Me':

God and family is a big part of my life... My screename is NYDejaVu69.

Hmmmmm.

Not so much...

2007-01-31T19:51:00.000-05:00

Today we are studying the continents. I even taught this cute little song. Then we did this group activity where we labeled the continents on a blank map. With this conversation:

Me: "And this continent here is Asia."
T.: "Asia-VU!" (followed by giggles)

So yeah. DEJA-Vu is a strip club. Awesome parenting. Thumbs up.

Birthday Resolutions.

2007-01-24T22:27:00.000-05:00

This year I am going to NYC again for my birthday and, as Ryan is coming with me, I have decided to set a few rules:

I will not allow Laura to talk to the absolute weirdies that she tends to attract when we go out.

I will not allow Laura to take pictures of me with these weirdies.

I will not eat the moldy cake that these "friendly" pizza guys gave us for free that were CLEARLY covered in mold which we partially ate because we didn't notice until the next morning. (Look how freaking happy they were! I hate those guys. Jerks. Moldy cake jerks.)

Furthermore, I will not look diseased. I got off the plane and went out. That's my excuse. And it's a good one. So shut up about it. And the moldy cake.

Thing my step instructor said during class yesterday while we were rolling a giant ball up and down the wall with our backs:

2007-01-24T22:21:00.000-05:00

"Well, everyone just be careful. Because I don't want to be liable. I mean, I AM liable, but I don't want you getting hurt so I get in trouble."

(Whatevs. Her step class sucked and the only way I could have hurt myself was if I threw my back out throwing the ball at her liable frikkin' face.)

A quote and a playlist.

2007-01-22T21:02:00.000-05:00

My dad sent me a newspaper article by Tom Moore about how Hollywood portrays inner city teachers as these martyrs who win over intensely difficult class settings by a raising their voice and using humor. It was a pretty amazing article and, as an inner city teacher, I will spare you my extensive thoughts on the topic and share this portion of it instead:

"While no one believes that hospitals are really like "ER" or that doctors are anything like "House," no one blames doctors for the failure of the health care system. From No Child Left Behind to City Hall, teachers are accused of being incompetent and underqualified, while their appeals for better and safer workplaces are systematically ignored."

Hmmm.

Now, go download these songs:

1. Breathe Me, by Sia
2. Sparks, by Coldplay
3. 66, by The Afghan Whigs
4. Forgive Me, by Rebecca St. James & BarlowGirl
5. Pretty much anything by Corey Crowder
6. 9 Crimes, by Damien Rice
7. Sleep, by The Dandy Warhols
8. Grace's Amazing Hands, by Dave Barnes
9. Brothers on a Hotel Bed, by Deathcab for Cutie
10. Today Has Been Okay, by Emiliana Torinni
11. Pale September, Fiona Apple
12. Save Me, by Jem
13. The Fear You Won't Fall, by Joshua Radin
14. Paperweight, by Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk
15. Nowhere Warm, by Kate Havnevik
16. Red Meets Blue, by Matt Wertz
17. Fidelity, by Regina Spektor
18. Destiny, by Zero 7

I'm not even kidding. If you want a long drive mix or a laid back Sunday mix, I just made you an UNREAL one. Unreal.

Piiiiiiiiictures.

2007-01-17T22:33:00.000-05:00

Lola and I out for her birthday. Or birfday, if you're D.

Flowers from Ryyyyy. I can put this on here and brag about my boyfriend because I had a terrible week last week. And because he's pretty freaking amazing anyway. And... it's my blog.

Number of times today I...

2007-01-17T19:26:00.000-05:00

...changed my socks: 2

...went to the rec to work out and came home pissed because there was some crappy donor thing and I couldn't find a parking spot: 1

...yelled in the car, alone, the phrase, "It's freaking FREEZING!": at least 5

...forgot about and allowed to boil over the milk/water for noodles: 2

...told kids to sit down or stop talking: I can't even think about it

...ate the kids' snacks: 1

...talked to Kristin on the phone: 3

...was bitten by Catboy: 1

...hated the smell of burnt milk/water on my stove: 1

D's quote of the day.

2007-01-08T21:17:00.000-05:00

D: "Ms. Hinshaw! My birfday is today! I fink. My mom said it was... sometime."

(I check my birthday calendar.)

Me: "No honey. Your birthday is in June."

D: "Oh."

Conversation I had today in my creepy vet's office which is so cheap that I can ALMOST overlook the weirdies that go there.

2007-01-03T01:27:00.000-05:00

Woman #1: "Girl, we got to go soon. I got to ur-in-ate and I can't hold it no more."

Woman #2: "You know, if you hold your urine, your eyeballs pop out."

Me (After literally, 2 hours of playing mute with my head buried in my arms on top of Catboy's carrier): "Then please go pee. I don't want to see that."

And neither of those women were even the weridy who kept talking about her cattery, or the one with a pitbull and the tattooed star under her eye. They were, however, somehow related to the guy who kept telling Woman #1 that he needed to go so he could get ahold of his 'incense dealer' because his friend 'done smoked it all already'.

The vet really is cheap though.

Aaaaaaand it's 2007.

2007-01-01T18:44:00.000-05:00

Last night Ry and I went to Pat and Lori's wedding reception. They should move back because I miss them. Also, Timmy proposed to Kari. They should not move away because I would miss them too. Everyone should do what I say. Also, that 20-something girl in the glittery prom dress last night should DEFINATELY have listened to me. Or at least rethought the length.

I don't know. It really is weird how we just keep being the most attractive couple when we go out. Timmy and Kari, pre-engagement. :)

Pat and I.

Two of my favorite boys ever in life. Who are seriously lucky I like both of their significant others so much or I would be hardcore hating on some girls. Yay Kari and Lori!

Wedding Lori!

Timmy and I.

My long lost friend Ming and I.

Joe!

Hate mail.

2006-12-27T02:26:00.000-05:00

Dear *&%$ jerks who
A) rammed into my front bumper the other weekend in the parking lot and,
B) puked all over the side of my mom's car I borrowed tonight,

As a rule, I don't hate people. If, however, I did hate people, I would hate you. You are bad people. And I hope that Santa did not bring you anything for Christmas. If I find out that he did, I am going to seek you out, run your presents over, and then puke on them. I am sure that you have black hearts.

Sincerely, Sara A. Hinshaw

A letter.

2006-12-21T23:10:00.001-05:00

Dear Christmas Break,

D. used a glue stick as chapstick today. And ate a q-tip. You should have gotten here last week instead of tomorrow.

Love, Sara

4 pictures. Just for you.

2006-12-21T23:04:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I went to my sister's sister in law's wedding. Hm.

Alio and I acting normal.

Ry and I acting normal. After three attempts, one of which had Ry's finger up my nose.

One of the attempts before the 'normal' photo.

Aaaaaand, my family. :)

I'm like the little chicken that did all the freaking work herself. But then didn't get any bread or anything.

2006-12-12T22:00:00.000-05:00

I raked the leaves.

I bagged the leaves.

I got a rash on my finger from the leaves which my crackhead doctor told me could be a form of herpes because it's a good FREAKING idea to tell that to a hypochondriac. I spent two days crying and afraid I had herpes. Which it wasn't. Crackhead.

I took all the bags out to the side of the road for leaf collection.

I took all of the bags back into my garage because my neighbor told me the wrong day.

I took all of the bags back out to the side of the road (thirty 30-gallon bags, mind you) a month later. In a blizzard.

Leaves suck. These are my leaves. Ooooh! And my Christmas house. :)

Truth and modesty.

2006-12-12T18:53:00.000-05:00

This is Ryan and I this past weekend. I feel as though I should post it because it really displays the fabulousness and suave...in...ity we just seem to exude so naturally. I mean, I'm not worried about being modest here. It's just a plain fact. Like superheros of fabulousness and fun. Kind of.

Favorite email responses addition.

2006-12-11T19:55:00.001-05:00

Erin C: Please reply with your address as well! and don't worry, i'm in the same christmas card boat. toot toot.

Favorite responses to my mass email for addresses for my Christmas cards.

2006-12-07T21:57:00.000-05:00

Michael: because I am grumpy I am choosing to simply send you my address and include absolutely no funny stories to cheer you up...merry christmas.

Stef: Hey Sar-Bear, How are you my darling?

Dougie: Sar, You are the only person that I know, our age, that sends Christmas cards. But I love it!

Becky: You're a goofball.

Segal: Puma! You must be the cutest girl ever alive. Seriously, I heart you.

About rubber ducks.

2006-12-07T20:42:00.000-05:00

Tonight I am in a pissy, bitter mood. Thus, I took a bubble bath, had some wine, watched some Grey's season 2, and felt sorry for myself. And talked to Kristin 4 times because whatever guy I end up with someday is going to have to understand that Kristin is pretty much my support system and I just can't see any guy being better at dealing with me than she is. Too bad she's a girl. And married. Or I'd totally marry her. Or something.

ANYWAY... as I was taking my bubble bath, I had the new rubber duck in there with me that Dougie, Ryno, and Emily got me for a housewarming gift at my party Saturday. (Which was huge amounts of fun. If you weren't there, too bad for you.) And I had this realization that I have received lots and lots of rubber ducks over the years. Like, probably 20. No joke. I am the kind of person you apparently buy rubber ducks for. It's a little weird, but a true statement I suppose. I mean, I do like rubber ducks. And I've never even asked for any. I'm not sure what that says about me. I am a rubber duck girl, as noticed by the general public.

Weirdness at the podiatrist's.

2006-11-28T17:15:00.000-05:00

Today, I went to the podiatrist to get my ankle looked at which has been obnoxious since the marathon. (It's fine, no worries.) So, I'm waiting to check out, and this OLD woman is talking to the receptionist and she's got a roll of toilet paper on her cane. Which was weird enough. Like, most old ladies stuff a wad of it up their sleeve. This broad wasn't playing around. So she's all done and she says good-bye and then she turns back around to the receptionist and says, "Is this environmentally safe toilet paper?" And the receptionist goes, "I'm not sure." But she's a good receptionist because she makes it sound like it's a totally normal question to be asking. And Kleenex Lady says, "Natalie said you can get environmentally safe toilet paper at Sam's. Is this it?" And Receptionist Lady says she'll go see. Which then really threw me off... Like, did she steal that toilet paper from the bathroom at the doctor's? And who the hell is Natalie?

Then, I went out to my car and there was a condom still in a wrapper on the sidewalk.

That's one craaaaaazy podiatrist.

Aaaaaand.... Favorite quote back from Thanksgiving break...

2006-11-27T19:17:00.000-05:00

(Drawing a picture of himself riding a bike. There is no bike though. And really, only a head with scribble shapes under it.)

D. "Ms. H.? (He is trying out this new nickname for me. I don't know.) I need a new paper... I made myself look like a dog!"

I laughed really, really hard. Because he really was just a head with squiggles under it. And because he said dog like this: dawwwg.