Odd interactions I have had in stores this week.

1. Wal-Mart:
While in the cat food & litter aisle, there were two women looking at the bags of catfood. They were mumbling things like, "tuna and chicken... hearty beef... What did she say she wanted?" Which is cool- I mean, I say those things in my head, but saying them out loud is cool too, I guess... So, I walk down the aisle past them and one of them says, "Is this the cat litter?" And she's totally serious. Yes, ya damn idiot- they flavor cat litter. So your home will not only smell like crap, but hearty beef and crap. But, as I said, I try to keep things in my head and only said, "Nope- that's the cat FOOD. The litter is down a little further." So THEN, she says, "And what is the litter for?" I'm not kidding- she was not trying to be funny. So I go, "Um.... it's what they go to the bathroom in." And the other woman acts all embarrased and says, "Oooooh! Don't say that!" So then I start to realize that she must have some sort of metal challenges, and then put two-and-two together in seeing that the other woman is wearing a colorful scrub top, so they must be on an outing. However, the one who is asking all the questions is the crazy scrub lady! Seriously, if that woman was taking one of my relatives out and asking if cats poop in food or eat litter, I'd request someone else to take them out. So after I tell her about the litter she goes, "Oh. Ok." And I walk really fast away because I wanted to laugh really hard. Seriously now. Crapping in tuna smelling litter. Let's get serious.

2. Today, I went to Goodwill to get an ugly shirt for Ugly Shirt Night tomorrow during which some friends and I will apparently wear an ugly shirt (not TOO ugly, but just ugly enough to make someone wonder if, perhaps, you really MIGHT be wearing that shirt and liking it) and then go out for drinks. So I'm standing in line waiting to pay money for a shirt that is some type of crocheted, pink tie-dyed deal and makes me kind of puke in my mouth even holding it, and this girl comes in, all greased hair and bad posture, and asks the cashier loudly if the manager is in. The cashier tells her yes, and points to the back. Greasy/Slouchy starts walking to the back and sees a woman back there and yells (like 20 feet away, literally) if she is the manager. Annnnnd- she is. So she walks up to the front of the store and G/S asks if she can have an application. So while manager is indulging her, G/S starts up this string of absurdities:

"Yeah... So I got laid off from the chinese restaraunt and, like, I had some... problems working at the dry cleaners. Yeah... It was crazy. The thing was, there was this warrant out for me because I didn't have no dog tag and I tol' my boss I had to turn myself in! I had to go to court you know. And he goes "You work here- You don't just leave when you want to. If you gotta do that, you don't work here no more." So I dunno- It was so dumb! Like, what was I suppose' to do? So now I need a job again."

Yeah.... The whole time, manager woman is getting her an app. and making little 'yes' and 'uh-huh' noises and being really polite which was nice of her. During this exchange, I'm thinking the following things:

1. WHY? What on EARTH would possess you to state those things to a possible future employer? It is a miracle you have been able to hold any jobs at ALL.

2. I feel really, really bad for you because you are really trying. So let me help you- I'll totally get you some cute clothes and we'll work on your posture and try out some Pantene Pro-V because that works really well on my hair and doesn't make it greasy. I would cute her right up. And get her a better job than at Goodwill. But first, we'd take care of all of those warrants because I've never had any out on me, but I'm THINKING that you want those taken care of.

I'm going to start a school on how to act. In public.