What my sister just said to me.

"God's angry with you because you're totally stressing out about ridiculous things right now."

Thoughts on two pictures.

This was Ugly Shirt Night. Mine was a pink, crochet, tie dyed vest thing. I felt very uncomfortable wearing it. I will wear all out ugly crap, no problem. I also put myself into a good mood by choosing new and exciting ways to put together my outfits while showering in the morning. However, I discovered that I have a REAL problem wearing clothes that are just that side of ugly that people might look at me and think, "So.... why is she wearing that? Someone should help her pick our her clothes." (I think this sometimes, so I assume that others would think this of me.) I wanted to walk up to people, casually lean towards them and whisper from behind my hand, "It's Ugly Shirt Night. I usually wear terribly cute clothes. So... just wanted you to know."


I went camping this weekend with Brian, Krystal, and Jud. We went on a 'hardy hike' over dunes. Things I wore to hike hardily:
1. Purple cami
2. Small cut off shorts
3. Pink and black Adidas shoes with little pull cord shoe strings with no socks
4. Huge, pink sunglasses which Brian told me filter no sun out.

Hardy hiking is fun. You just have to know how to dress.

Odd interactions I have had in stores this week.

1. Wal-Mart:
While in the cat food & litter aisle, there were two women looking at the bags of catfood. They were mumbling things like, "tuna and chicken... hearty beef... What did she say she wanted?" Which is cool- I mean, I say those things in my head, but saying them out loud is cool too, I guess... So, I walk down the aisle past them and one of them says, "Is this the cat litter?" And she's totally serious. Yes, ya damn idiot- they flavor cat litter. So your home will not only smell like crap, but hearty beef and crap. But, as I said, I try to keep things in my head and only said, "Nope- that's the cat FOOD. The litter is down a little further." So THEN, she says, "And what is the litter for?" I'm not kidding- she was not trying to be funny. So I go, "Um.... it's what they go to the bathroom in." And the other woman acts all embarrased and says, "Oooooh! Don't say that!" So then I start to realize that she must have some sort of metal challenges, and then put two-and-two together in seeing that the other woman is wearing a colorful scrub top, so they must be on an outing. However, the one who is asking all the questions is the crazy scrub lady! Seriously, if that woman was taking one of my relatives out and asking if cats poop in food or eat litter, I'd request someone else to take them out. So after I tell her about the litter she goes, "Oh. Ok." And I walk really fast away because I wanted to laugh really hard. Seriously now. Crapping in tuna smelling litter. Let's get serious.

2. Today, I went to Goodwill to get an ugly shirt for Ugly Shirt Night tomorrow during which some friends and I will apparently wear an ugly shirt (not TOO ugly, but just ugly enough to make someone wonder if, perhaps, you really MIGHT be wearing that shirt and liking it) and then go out for drinks. So I'm standing in line waiting to pay money for a shirt that is some type of crocheted, pink tie-dyed deal and makes me kind of puke in my mouth even holding it, and this girl comes in, all greased hair and bad posture, and asks the cashier loudly if the manager is in. The cashier tells her yes, and points to the back. Greasy/Slouchy starts walking to the back and sees a woman back there and yells (like 20 feet away, literally) if she is the manager. Annnnnd- she is. So she walks up to the front of the store and G/S asks if she can have an application. So while manager is indulging her, G/S starts up this string of absurdities:

"Yeah... So I got laid off from the chinese restaraunt and, like, I had some... problems working at the dry cleaners. Yeah... It was crazy. The thing was, there was this warrant out for me because I didn't have no dog tag and I tol' my boss I had to turn myself in! I had to go to court you know. And he goes "You work here- You don't just leave when you want to. If you gotta do that, you don't work here no more." So I dunno- It was so dumb! Like, what was I suppose' to do? So now I need a job again."

Yeah.... The whole time, manager woman is getting her an app. and making little 'yes' and 'uh-huh' noises and being really polite which was nice of her. During this exchange, I'm thinking the following things:

1. WHY? What on EARTH would possess you to state those things to a possible future employer? It is a miracle you have been able to hold any jobs at ALL.

2. I feel really, really bad for you because you are really trying. So let me help you- I'll totally get you some cute clothes and we'll work on your posture and try out some Pantene Pro-V because that works really well on my hair and doesn't make it greasy. I would cute her right up. And get her a better job than at Goodwill. But first, we'd take care of all of those warrants because I've never had any out on me, but I'm THINKING that you want those taken care of.

I'm going to start a school on how to act. In public.

I baked bread tonight.

Tonight, I said no to going to the movies so I could stop spending money (as I am thousands of dollars in debt now), and stayed home and made banana bread. I am a domestic goddess.

I am seriously good at many things.

School is done for the summer!!! :) Except that I am teaching summer school, but that doesn't count. At our staff lunch on Wednesday, our principal gave out some awards to be funny. Mine was 'Best Response to Philosophy Behind Why We Don't Have Desks,' which stemmed from a conversation that went something like this...

Me: "Next year, I'd like some of those tables with cubbies in them."

My principal, Beth: "Well, we call it group settings." (Or something like that- I don't remember exactly, but point being that it wasn't desks.)

Me: "Ohhhh. So, like, when I worked at Victoria's Secret and I had to call underwear, panties."

I am a seriously good analogy maker.

I am also a seriously good house buyer. Because I bought one. On Thursday. I'm super in debt now, but I have the sweetest house ever. You can come to my housewarming party, ok?

Is it gonna be you and me together? oh-oh-oh...

Once, when I was in probably 5th grade, I got a Paula Abdul tape for my birthday- Forever Your Girl. I accidentally pressed record and taped over a few seconds in the middle of 'Straight Up'. So, I fixed it by recording my own voice singing the missing part. You could barely tell- smooth transition.

Sidenote.

Michael reminded me that I also am not fond of substituting the word 'ridonculous' for 'ridiculous'. Terrible.

Today I...

-Killed mosquitoes in my living room by spraying hairspray on them.
-Ate a mint Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich.
-Downloaded songs by Warren Barfield (favorites = '10 hours' & 'Grace')
-Ate dinner with the triplets.
-Went to church.
-Called Kristin three times to have her talk me out of stupid decisions I make.
-Drank a Smirnoff Twisted Green Apple.
-Layed out by the pool.
-Missed NYC a bit.
-Watched Grey's Anatomy.
-Wore four different outfits somehow.
-Painted my toenails twice. (The first time they got all jacked up because they weren't dry.)

One of my favorite pictures from NYC: Michelle, Linds, Laura, and I at Gin Mill.

Things that should cease to exist.

1. Clowns. Clowns are scary as hell. Furthermore, if you think that someone getting pied in the face is funny, you are also not on my cool list.

2. The process of getting ready for bed. I typically wait until I'm utterly exhausted before getting into bed, and thinking about having to wash my face and brush my teeth is absurd. I very often end up staying up even later and getting even more tired, just so that I don't have to do these things. I complain about this a lot.

3. People who get dressed up in costumes, such as Mickey Mouse. I especially hate when you're at a parade and these people try to come up to you. DON'T freaking touch me. I can't see your face and I'm not into touching you when I don't even know who you are inside that filthy, matted, fake fur costume of yours.

4. Any type of organized, nonsensical dance. Read: hokey pokey, chicken dance, or that everybody-clap-your-hands-cha-cha ridiculousness. I make myself look stupid enough accidentally. I don't need to do it purposely and in an organized fashion with dozens of other people enjoying looking positively idiotic.

5. Commericals where there are:
a) babies with adult voices dubbed over them, or
b) adults (often on the radio) trying to talk in voices that sound like little kids.

6. The following words/phrases: (I'm weird about certain words. This list could be really long if I took the time to truly think about it.)
a) crusty
b) toot (either in reference to a train or a fart- neither is acceptable)
c) "Spank-you" instead of "Thank-you"
d) "Ex-squeese me" instead of "Excuse me"
e) "Making whoopie"