The hooker dance at my school today.

Today, we had a school dance for grades 3-6 at the end of the day. A hip-hop dance. Picture the following with me, if you will...

The day starts off with one of my boys coming in wearing a red do-rag on his head with a red bowler hat over it- complete with a feather stuck in the band. He is wearing a red sweatsuit, but has a suit in his backpack that he changes into before the dance. This suit is a pimp suit. I am not kidding. It is a bright red pimp suit, complete with shiny, black dress shoes. Someone in this kid's family bought him a HEAD TO TOE PIMP SUIT. And he's got this walk that goes with it that is ghetto-fabulous. Please allow me to remind you that this is a dance for THIRD to sixth graders. As one of my more level headed students pointed out, "Seriously Donjaih. It's not that big of a deal. It's with the little kids too you know." He didn't care. He couldn't have been more proud.

So anyway, we all go down to the dance. The classes are all sitting on the gym floor- probably about 200 kids. Our principal announces that we are going to have a performance by our dance team- a group of about 10 girls from the other 6th grade class. Ooooookay. Here is break down of the dance:

1. Girls do semi-choreographed dance moves. One girl appears to be double jointed and terrifies me a little. It reminds me a bit of what demon possession in the Old Testament must have looked like. She has a scary face when she does it too.

2. They split into two lines, facing each other.

3. They start a thing where a girl from one side goes over to the girls on the other side and 'insults' them by doing one of the following:
a) holding a piece of her hair up and then throwing a bottle of hairspray at her. (I don't know where they hid these props, but they were definately there somehow.)
b) flicking her shirt and then throwing a new one at her.
c) holding her arm up and throwing deodorant at her.
I can't remember the others, but there were at least 5 different ones. The kids in the audience were oooohing and catching on right away. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "Why are they throwing things at each other? And where did that deodorant come from?"

4. More poorly choreographed dance moves. More scary demon-possession imitations.

5. And the finale.... These girls each take a dollar out from their secret stash and THROW THEM AT EACH OTHER. For those of you who aren't in the know on such important matters, this is basically saying "You are a hooker" or, in the more appropriate terminology of our younger generation, "You're a ho." Then they all fall down on their backs to the floor which is even more confusing to me than the deodorant tossing.

Hmmm. Apparantly this little treat was not previewed and was a nice little surprise for everyone. In an effort to brush this under the rug, the music was immediately turned up and the dance begun.

Horrible, horrible, mass chaos.

The dance team girls start dancing again and kids form a tight, 5 kid deep circle around these dancing marvels. My pimp kid is pimp-walking around and kids are trying to knock his hat off. A couple of fights break out. The little kids start playing tag and running through all of the nasty dancing older kids.

At this point, the principal announces that this was a terrible idea and everyone has to leave. Also, that we will never again have a school dance.

Thank God.