About Nail and Hair Salons.

Happy New Year! Whatever that means. But I wish you the best of it. For my last post of 2005, I would like to discuss a pet peeve of mine. We will call this: On the Naming of Hair and Tanning Salons.

Consider these names of actual tanning salons near me: We're So Tan and Color Me Tan. I wish I could say that I was joking. We're So Tan. Is it supposed to sound like you're bragging? And why do I have to get roped in with everyone else who tans there? Is it some kind of tanning club that you enter into when you go there and ooooooh- are we TANNER than YOU! And Color Me Tan? I don't even know what to say about that. Maybe it's supposed to be like that phrase- what is it... Something like "Well color me pink!" that people said in the early 1900's or something? I don't know what that phrase means either, but I bet if I asked the namer of Color Me Tan what the crap THAT'S supposed to mean, I wouldn't get a clear answer either. My friend Brent's mom owns a tanning salon called Aruba Tan. Why can't they all just have sensible names like that? We're So Tan... Honestly.

On the subject of names, hair salon names have the same obnoxious effect on me. I am absolutely positive that there is no rule stating that names of hair salons must have some type of clever twist to them that plays on the word hair, most of which don't have anything to DO with cutting hair. For example: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow. While I am simply blown clear across the room with the sheer wit of this name, it has absolutely nothing to do with cutting hair. I suppose you could say that the hair was there until it was cut off and then it was gone, but I also bet that if you asked the creater of this name if that was his/her intention, you would get a blank stare in return. Second example: A Hair Raising Experience. This implies a terrifying situation. Which hair cuts should not be. Thus, it should technically be deterring customers. Absurd choice. Others: A Hairy Situation, Hair's to You, etc. If I had a hair salon, I'd probably just name it Hair Cut Place.

Hello, I'm back. And my pants fit tighter now also.

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Hope you all had fabulous holidays. I've been lounging here in Davison or in Indiana since the 23rd and am heading back to hoooome- Kalamazoo- tomorrow. Because I just had a big Mexican dinner with Brent and Tracy, I will refrain from typing too much. I need to go put my elastic pants on. I would first like to make one of my lists entitled:

Why I love my Grandma:

1. While playing cards I asked her if she would still love me if instead of talking, I just meowed. Her response: "That would get very annoying." She then insinuated that perhaps thoughts like these are why I am still single. When asked if she would still love me if I had a cat face (I don't know why I've been hooked on the cat face thing lately...) she said "Yes, you could be Hello Kitty."

2. I mooned her and she laughed.

3. When I woke up because she and my parents were talking loudly, I told them that they woke me up from my beauty sleep. My grandma: "Well, you didn't get enough." :)

As a side note, my dad and I watched all three of the Lord of the Rings movies which I hadn't seen. Those movies are stressful to watch. It was 10 straight hours of fighting. And of incredibly scary melted-pig-faced creatures. Now I don't have to watch anymore guy movies for a few months because I've filled my quota. Back to romantic comedies or, as Pat calls them, RoComs. Because nobody gets stabbed by gargantuan spider stingers, has their fingers bitten off, or goes into convulsions when an enormous eye sends shooting light rays through their bodies in Love Actually or Garden State. Sick.

The most awkward conversation I have had in a long time.

When I flushed my cell phone down the toilet in February, I lost my friend Charley's phone number and had no other way to get ahold of him which made me very sad because Charley is very, very funny. So today, because it is break and I have nothing better to do, I decided to look back through some of my journals from when I studied in London which is how I met Charley. So low and behold! There is a number in there from Charley and I think, 'What the hell' and give it a call.

So pay attention because here's where it starts becoming incredibly awkward.

This woman answers and I ask if this is Charley's phone number and she says yes. So I start this unneccesarily long explanation (because I tend to do that) about how I flushed my phone down the toilet in February and I lost Charley's number and had no way to get ahold of him and I think he's great blahblahblah. So then she says, "I'm his wife." And this is plausible because getting married is the totally cool thing to do these days. Unless you're me. Another story. Anyway, so I try to explain that I went to London with him a few years ago and she says, really strangely, "So did I..." And at this point I'm thinking, why is she being all weird- and should I know her? Did she go with us? And all of a sudden she says, "OH! You're talking about my SON!" And when she says that it dawns on me that this whole time she's probably been thinking that I'm some mistress of her husband's and that we were having some affair in London. And after that, we were best friends and she hooked me up with Charley's new number and I called him immediately and told him that I just accidentally made his mom think that his dad is cheating on her with me. Hello, my name is Sara and I am an accidental homewrecker.

Things I have learned from hanging out with boys.

1. It is not a good idea to try to speak to or hang out with guys involved in a computer/video game. It is actually somewhat miraculous how intensely they can ignore you.
2. Do not let a guy buy you a drink unless you are interested.
3. It is not a good idea to have a serious relationship discussion after dusk. It will, in fact, end very badly.
4. They make up nicknames for girls behind their backs which are interesting (Stripes- I think due to a shirt she once wore?) and often crude (Rat Ass was one lucky winner).
5. They really do hate seeing girls upset, even if they don't really like them. One of my all time favorite stories is when one of my favorite boys (who shall remain anonymous) didn't want to date his girlfriend anymore and broke up with her through instant messenger. So as to make the pain as minimal as possible, he would cut and paste what she said to him, IM it to me, I would type a response for him, and he would cut and paste it into his window and send it to her. Thus, I broke up with her. I was good at it and I bet I can safely say that it was the most thoughtful breakup she has ever had. I think that might make me sound like a bad person... Hm.

That's all I can think of for now. Add some on. Maybe about how you broke up with someone for someone else. Because don't a lot of people do that?... A few of you??

Observations on Frosty the Snowman.

I have gotten some complaints about my lack of updates. I'm sorry. Here we go:

Last night I watched the Frosty the Snowman cartoon on tv with Ryan. We made some astute observations while watching which I would like to share with you:
1. It is the dead of winter and apparantly, in Frosty Land, children are allowed to wear shorts- pants are prohibited. I am of the impression that earmuffs or scarves do not make up for wearing shorts in the snow, but I do not live in Frosty's world, so perhaps conditions are different?
2. Along these same lines, Karen, the movie's female star, is apparantly so above winter and snow that she does not have to wear ANY type of clothing below her waist. She is very obviously, pants-less and shorts-less throughout the entire movie. While I realize that this movie is a couple of decades old, I am fairly certain that no where in recent history was it acceptable to go bottomless in any season, especially in winter. She either a) has magical earmuffs that warm her body so completely that leg/butt coverings are not neccesary, b) has a mental defect, or c) will grow up to be a woman of the night.
3. At one point in the movie, Frosty and the aforementioned Karen take a trip on a train in the freezer car, alongside of highly decorated cakes which sit directly on the floor- boxes are apparantly as optional as pants. Karen, who is very cold, sits down on the floor to wrap her arms around her pants-less bottom half. Ryan and I discussed the idea of bare skin making contact with a frozen floor... Either they cut the part out of the cartoon where Frosty has to pry her frozen, naked a** off of the floor, or again, those earmuffs have some kind of hidden magic.
4. Finally, Hocus Pocus the magician's rabbit has suspiciously bloodshot eyes and droopy eyelids throughout the entire cartoon. This leads me to believe that Hocus Pocus has some kind of magic as well... not so much earmuffs as plant-related?... You can never be too sure with magical bunnies. They are awfully sneaky.

I suggest watching this classic and drawing your own conclusions. I do NOT suggest watching Frosty Returns. Mostly because... it sucks.

Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. (That's from a children's book for all of you non-children's lit. illiterates.)

Today was not good. It was mostly a culmination of smaller things, but today was no good. I cried very hard when I got home. But, as always, I get reminded of those who love me and things look up: Josh called, Cindy brought dinner over, my New York mom Joan called, I talked to my own mom, and I went over to Melissa's where I ate homemade icing straight from the bag. I mean, she cut the metal tip off and I literally squeezed quarter sized tubes of frosting directly into my mouth. It made things much better. She told me I could take it home, but I threw it away. I was a little bit afraid that the next time I got sad I would get it out and eat the entire bag. And it was big. Someone would realize that they hadn't seen me in a few days, come over to check on me, and I'd be laying on the floor, comatose, with icing all over my face. And I didn't want to do that to any of you.

But it was good. And I will do it again.

Confession

Once, in 7th grade, I had a crush on a boy named Aaron Bennett. In the always believable gossip grapevine of middle schoolers, it was brought to my attention that he might know that I liked him. This upset me to the point of tears and, by the time I got to science class, I was bawling. (I didn't really start talking to boys until about 9th grade.) After starting class, my teacher called me out into the hallway and asked me if someone in my family had died. I told her the truth but, looking back on the situation now, I probably should have lied. Because if she was anything then like I am a teacher now, she probably went home and made a lot of fun of me.

Rally the troops!! (Or don't, if you're like everyone else in the movie theater...)

Today my parents came to visit which has been fun. We went to see the Chihuly show at the Kalamazoo Institute of Arts. I bought some little snowflake charms and the woman at the register called them something incredibly odd like snobcakes or snibflakes- something very obviously NOT snowflakes and I didn't want to be rude and look at the little sign near them to see if, for some completely unintelligable reason, they were not actually called snowflakes, but I didn't want her to see me and think me rude, so my mom and I just decided that she was crazy.

We also went to see Narnia, which came out yesterday. You should go see it- it was really good. There is this big battle scene at the end and it was all I could do to not stand up and start clapping and yelling at everyone in the theater to start rallying their troops. (My Avatar agrees with me, hence the Warrior Princess get-up.) Seriously- it was really intense. DO IT FOR ASLAN! (I didn't see anyone else starting to get up like I wanted to, so I just yelled really loud for the Narnians in my head.)

Yesterday we had a snow day from school. YAY! Except that I don't get paid when we have snow days, but I already don't get health insurance, so it probably evens out because if I tried driving and got into an accident, I'd have to pay way more to go to the hospital than it costs me to skip a day of pay. Thus, we should have many more snow days.

Last night, I spent from 7pm to 2am reading. I was in the middle of both The Four Loves, by C.S. Lewis, and Esther, by Charles Swindoll so I finished both of those and then started reading Velvet Elvis, by Rob Bell- the pastor of Mars Hill- a church in Grand Rapids I occasionally go to. This book is completely amazing (you were right Dustin!) and I HIGHLY recommend it. It's about reexamining the Christian faith, but in such a way that it makes it so appealing when, in so many ways, it is often made to seem the opposite. You should read it no matter how you feel about Christianity and religion- it's amazing.

Finally, a passage from The Four Loves that I really, really loved:
"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. ... We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if he chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it."

It's pretty amazing how He uses everything we go through. :)

A picture.

I haven't put up any pictures lately. Here's one from 4 years ago (same tree) of me and a whole lot of puppets. If that doesn't put you in the Christmas mood, I don't know what will.

Things I did when I was little and, thankfully, no longer do:

1. Run the sink water after going to the bathroom to make it sound like I was washing my hands when I really wasn't because it took too long. I stopped doing this when I realized that, in the time it took to 'trick' everyone into thinking I was washing my hands, I could have actually washed my hands.
2. Eat my boogers. (I don't believe people who say they never at least tried this. They are liars and not to be trusted.)
3. Skip washing my hair.
4. Hide when I saw a boy I liked. Once at my sister's soccer game I was doing my homework in the car. (Probably around 4th grade.) I saw my crush Billy something-or-other walking towards our car and I hid in the wheel well. He not only saw me, but had the nerve to ask what I was doing curled up in a ball on the floor of the car. I don't remember what I said. Probably something thoughtful like, "IIIIIII don't know."
5. Study in the shower. I devised this ingenious contraption which consisted of a big ziplock baggie hanging on a suction hook under the shower head. I would put my spelling words in this baggie so I could study while I was washing my hair.

All signs point to me being a shy, filthy, dork. This is where I should thank those of you who remained friends with me through these years. I promise I am reformed.

Don't stop hanging out with me.

Pretty random.

Today I was in the same kindergarten class as yesterday. It went much smoother than yesterday, and I think everyone even got home with all of their winter clothes. Except for one girl who said that she forgot her coat in her mom's car on the way to school so she didn't have one. Which she either completely lied about or completed deluded herself into believing because on the way out to the busses her mom picked her up and started walking her back inside, gave me a mom-look, and told me that she left her coat inside... Eh- you win some, you lose some.

Favorite kindergarten insult I heard today: DooDoo Man. DooDooHead = not so funny. DooDoo Man = hysterical. It's like a superhero name. Superhero of DooDoo. I turned my head to laugh this time. I am trying...

I am feeling like doodoo a bit myself. (Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Doodoo by itself is an awkward word... Pretend I said crap if it is bothering you.) I have a sore throat so I went out and bought some sort of liquid tylenol pm stuff that is for sore throats and colds. It's supposed to be wintergreen... It does not smell like wintergreen. I will probably plug my nose and pretend like I am tasting wintergreen.

My most recent music obsession is Jeremy Camp. I added his music link on the right. He is amazing.

I did not go work out tonight. I used my feeling like crap as an excuse, but now I am feeling crappy for not working out. The other day when I was at the rec I passed a guy on the inside of the track. He ran up to me and asked how far I was running at that pace and I said just a couple of miles for a warm up. He was chatty-chatterton and started asking me about running and how much I ran. I told him that I usually ran between 3-6 miles, depending on the day and my mood. Him: "So you like the short distances?"
Me: "Um... I'd say that's probably medium..." (Thinking, how many people do you know that even do that, Mr. Come-up-and-start-a-convo-on-the-track?)
Him: "Yeah, I guess so. I run marathons."
Good for you Mr. Marathon. Calling my distance short. Just because I don't run 25 miles at once... Whatever. He was actually pretty nice, but still. C'mon. Don't insult a runner and then try to one-up them. If that situation ever presented itself again I'd be like, "Yeah, I run freaking marathons in my SLEEP! They call me Sleep Marathon Girl. Maybe you've heard of me." Or something like that. I'm sure it would be VERY witty.

I hope you all have decorated for Christmas. It makes me happy everytime I look at my tree. I have this evergreen smelling room spray that I spray on it. I like the smell and it makes the tree feel more like a REAL tree. It's been a good tree to me. I do what I can.

Butts.

I have a confession. Today I worked in a kindergarten class and a little boy came up to me to tell me that another little boy was calling him names. I asked the accused little boy what he was calling the accuser.
Him: "Penny Butt."
Me: "What???"
Him: "Penny Butt."
And then I laughed really hard. In their faces. Penny butt... What the crap IS that?! Penny butt... (Muttering and rolling eyes appropriate here.)

Unrelated, I think that those Lamasil commercials for toe-nail fungus where the little fungus monster opens up the toenail like a door and hops in are the most disgusting things on television. Thinking of someone lifting my toenail up like that makes me want to vomit all over the tv. A close second are those Charmin commercials with the cartoon bears wiping their butts. Sick. I mean, SICK. Their faces when they are wiping make me vomit-a-rific all over again. They are so LOVING wiping with that toilet paper. It is very, very wrong to get that much enjoyment out of wiping, especially if it is a cartoon bear. Nast.

Also, my guy friends have redeemed their sex which is good. I'm just sticking with God for a while. He hasn't hurt me yet and I'm pretty sure that He's not gonna fail me on this one. :)

Things that are funny.

Things that are funny:

1. There is an MTV equivalent station in Egypt that is in Arabic. You can text message in stuff like, "I love Shakira!" and it runs across the screen on a ticker along with all these little blinking smiley faces or hearts or whatever. Most of it is in Arabic so my friend Pat, who is one of my friends I went to see over there, decided to text message in coded English slang. This resulted in things like "BEEEEYOTCH!!!!" and "I love the skin flute" running along the ticker because whoever monitored the texts obviously didn't understand. His number is now blocked. We figured this out when I was there and tried texting inappropriate things in pig latin.

2. The Anchorman dvd extra of the cast in the "Afternoon Delight" music video.

3. When I was in first grade I got sent to the corner for laughing at my crush, Lee Major, who was already in the corner and was amusing himself by running his finger along the cracks in the wall and making car noises. The teacher asked who was laughing and everyone freaking RATTED ME OUT! So I took Lee's place and then tried to act all nonchalant and do what he was doing. I stopped pretty soon after though because I'm not very good at making car noises. And I looked like an idiot.

4. The ornament I have in the middle, front of my Christmas tree which is a tiny Christmas tree shaped frame into which I put a picture of Lance Bass, the least favorite N'Sync member, a few years ago for Lola to find. I forgot I had done this and said to myself, "Sara- That was a good idea you had to put Lance Bass in your ornament!"

5. A kindergartener coming up to me to look at his paper on which he had written "I like my brother." Here's how he spelled it: I like my pmp. You figure out why I laughed at that one.

6. The claymation Mr. Narwhal in the movie Elf. "Bye Buddy! I hope ya find your dad!"

7. When I was about 6 I was at my babysitter's and I was playing with another baby she was watching. We were playing a game called "She-puts-her-finger-in-my-mouth-and-I-pretend-to-bite-it-but-don't" and she was LOVING this game. Then I accidentally bit her finger. And she started screaming and when my babysitter came in I pretended like I had no idea what was going on. "I don't know... She just started crying..."

LOUD NOISES!

The jury is still out- I'd love to be proven wrong, but as of right now, 5:29 pm on Saturday, December 3, 2005, I think that guys SUCK. Which is cool because that means that it's that much easier for my heart to get smacked in the future.

I promise a funny, non-bitter email soon. As soon as I punch someone in the face.

Just a little bit down...

Sometimes I get so weary of playing the dating game. It's that feeling of rejection... ouch. I'll allow myself to be sad for a little while and then force myself to remember how incredibly blessed I am with people who love me and I feel almost disgusted with myself for being so down. I am reminded everyday how much I am loved.

Singing along with a Stacie Orrico cd always helps too. :)
I love these lyrics from her song Security:

Another day; here I go again
Drive myself insane
Stop to think; how could I forget
You're with me every single day
(Now I look)
And I see the One
The only one for me
Cause I don't need to search for
A way to try to be more
I have found a love that's so secure
You fought for my heart and You have won it
You're taking me over and I like that
I tried other love but couldn't feel it
I'm so glad You found me because
Other relationships confuse me
The thought of Your simple love is crazy

My God is so good.

It's Christmas Time!

It's Christmas in my apartment! It's Christmas Time! Christmas Time I tell you! Frank came over to help because I have discovered this year that it is quite possibly the most depressing feeling EVER to have to decorate for Christmas alone. I did, however, tone down on some of the knick knacks this year. I'm not kidding you- I have craploads of Christmas stuff. Just craploads. (See picture below of the styrofoam ornament I made in Sunday School when I was... oh... around the age of 5. )

So now I'm in my living room on the floor under my Christmas tree with all the room lights off and the tree lights on and candles burning (because I burn candles oh.... all the time) and it's all snowy out and I have the Jars of Clay Christmas cd on which is all laid back and fabulous and it's CHRISTMAS time! If I had a fireplace I'd never leave my apartment again. (At least until I started feeling like a loser which would probably be in like, a day or so I'm guessing.)

Unrelated to Christmas, (unless you are looking for an unforgetable present for someone), you should visit this webpage and PLEASE, check out the pictures. I was told, in so many words, by Frank as well as my friend Melissa that I am the odd one out for not having heard of the amazing Flowbee, the haircutter you attach to your VACCUUM, through the infomercials years back and I am extremely sad that I missed out on that event. The people on the website look like they flipping LOVE this thing. They can't get enough. I am missing out. I am trying to convince Melissa, who knows of someone who owns one, that we should cut each other's hair this weekend. You can even cut pet hair! And I quote: "Please note when cutting your pets coat down to 1/2" inch it is essential to use the pet attachment. This will KEEP THE PETS SKIN IN PLACE." (I put the caps in to make sure you didn't miss this in case you wanted to use the Flowbee for this reason and don't want to literally SUCK UP AND CUT OFF your pet's skin. Also, trust me- I was not the one who left the apostrophe off of pets... It shows POSSESION man! Put the freaking apostrophe in! *sigh*)

And now, I'm going to bed because I took Melissa's advice on how to avoid wrinkles (regarding my entry on my eyes): "You've got to chub up girl!" and ate lots of pizza tonight and my jeans are uncomfortably tight. I will be in elastic wasted pants before you can suck the skin off a dog. And good night.